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#190198 - 11/06/07 06:47 PM One foot in the rabbit hole...
violet Offline

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Ok, yes, I know I said I was going to take a break for awhile, but after discussing the situation with a good friend on here, I am feeling better. I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed with life in general and I got pretty defensive. Sorry about that.

I am so sick of the highs and lows of recovery in our relationship. One day things are good, he's finding some great insights on his own, the next day we're clawing at each other (metaphoricly speaking) because we're both so frustrated.

However, I did want to share that we watched Reign Over Me last night with Adam Sandler and it had a phenominal effect on him. I think it was seeing Sandler's character trying so hard to avoid anything that reminded him- of his own denial, own repressing of memories & feelings.

It really clicked for him in a way I don't think he ever would have gotten otherwise. I'm not sure where this will lead things. Quite honestly, I'm often left scared to death of how far down this rabbit hole goes down.

And I think it was good for him to see that therapy isn't so much about the therapist trying to "fix" people as help them to see themselves and life more clearly.

Lately, I have wanted to hide myself away. I didn't want to try to reach out to anybody. But this is when I need to even more. I'm sorry I've been moody to anybody lately. Please forgive me, I'm a work in progress.


Edited by violet (11/06/07 11:31 PM)
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

#190241 - 11/06/07 10:57 PM Re: One foot in the rabbit hole... [Re: violet]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey

We're all a work in progress, otherwise, we wouldn't be growing, right? That's exactly what you and your husband are doing, growing so big and strong that you won't fit down that rabbit hole anymore.

I'm glad you're sticking around, but please don't feel badly about taking some time off. I don't usually come here on weekends 'cause that's my time with my b/f, or my daughter or whatever. If I stop in, it's brief, although admittedly, I sometimes have to pull myself away. But, that's my rule for me to give it a rest. We all need to take a step back and just live our lives; it's more than OK to do that.

ROCK ON.........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#190245 - 11/07/07 12:03 AM Re: One foot in the rabbit hole... [Re: Trish4850]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Your honesty is refreshing. Gives some of the rest of us courage to admit when we need help, are wrong, or just plaing in a pissy mood, and to ask for help/support.

My therapist really encourages what he calls "Movie Therapy". He has quite a selection of movies in his office that he loans out at no cost to his clients. Each movie contains some poignant theme or scene that he feels a client may "click" with given the right time and place in their recovery. The one that got me right where I needed it was "Good Will Hunting" with Robin Williams and Matt Damon. The scene where Williams is right up in Damon's face repeating over and over. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault..."

I'm pleased he was able to see the point of the movie and take it to heart. Sometimes it doesn't have to be some earth shattering concept that gets our attention, but just the simplest thing if presented in the right way can be profound.

Glad you're still here.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#190260 - 11/07/07 02:14 AM Re: One foot in the rabbit hole... [Re: WalkingSouth]
Agape Girl Offline

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Dear John;

What an awesome idea your T has with the movies. It sounds like the T is really on the ball.

I like that a lot!!!


means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

#191046 - 11/12/07 03:06 AM Re: One foot in the rabbit hole... [Re: violet]
Chrissy Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 10
Loc: DC
Hey Violet,

I can appreciate the frustration of riding the roller coaster with him.

My partner and I are in a still new relationship and it's just weird that we skipped the whole dating thing and landed in this 'recovery' zone. It's like we started with the hardest part. I don't even know if he snores or if he farts in his sleep, but I knew he had been sexually abused before he told me. (I don't know how I knew, I just did.) I feel like I climbed into someone else's pandora's box. We have no ties outside of the fact that we met and now we're stuck here.

Maybe I have it easier, because I still have the option to walk away if I need to. I just know that, in my heart, it's not a viable option. Maybe I'm lucky because he is at a volatile point in his life and he was ready to make the choice to start dealing with his past. Maybe, I'm lucky because he didn't back down when I asked him if he was molested. Instead of a simple yes or no, he told me the whole story.

"Look Mommy, no hands!"

The rabbit hole is frustrating but I can't say it isn't worth it.


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