more than a year ago i came on this board seeking answers, as so many before me have. this isn't meant to be an update but in a way it sorta is.
one of the problems i had with some of the first comments given to my situation was how important it was to let my bf have control of the situation - as in our relationship - not exactly those words, but along those lines.
i couldn't get that - it didn't make sense to me - and i've fought controlling men all my life, controlling people in general get my back up.
the problem was when this advice was proffered - i didn't quite understand how i was supposed to do this - and forget the "why" - i couldn't even begin to fathom that aspect of it.
well recently things have been really smooth and well, kinda 'breezy' for lack of a better word - i can see how when we get close then he needs some time to think about it, maybe a few days, maybe a week - then he's ok and we can go on again.
the point i'm trying to make is the control aspect was not about controlling me - and that's where i misunderstood, especially since i never saw him as a controlling person EXCEPT when it came to his own situation - and in that respect, he seldom seemed to budge out of really tightly wound routines that sometimes left me pondering how one could function that way. i mean, i consider myself pretty self-disciplined but on the other hand i'm also a sort of go-with-the-flow kind of person as well - i think that's what one needs as one gets older.
now, the epiphany is i UNDERSTAND now how he needs to control what's going on with HIM - it's NOT about ME at all !! yeah!! I SO TOTALLY GET IT
ok i'm sure that's the longest it's ever taken someone to respond to comments - ! who even knows who said this back then, some of you are still here, some have drifted away, been banned (!) whatever....
just to let you guys know i, for one, take your comments and do what i can to understand them so please don't ever think you aren't appreciated, you really truly are!!
(((((((((((hugs to all survivors))))))))))))
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