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#188668 - 10/24/07 11:17 PM Re: Can People Spot Survivors?? [Re: dgoods]
theatrekid Offline

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
i think what i want to say fits in in this post.

Often times i see people and get an odd feeling i automatically jump to the worst conclusion and decide they are either a perp or a victim (depending on how the person looks/acts) i know this isnt right for me to think and i highly doubt any of these people really have somthing wrong with them. (all though i guess statistically speaking a few of these people are)

i guess its just lack of trust or something.

However i have four friends who i have been very close with since i was about 11 years old and even though at the time our friendships started we had no clue about each others pasts we now know that every single one of us was abused in some way so i think something inside us draws to people that need the same things we do.

hope this fits in, Chris

#188709 - 10/25/07 05:25 AM Re: Can People Spot Survivors?? [Re: dgoods]
copenbay Offline

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127

I think some people can spot survivors. Sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes not. For some of us, that means more abuse, along with whatever help is given. Some people really have helped by recognizing that I am an abuse survivor and giving some kindness.
Others, though, have only used what they sensed about me for their own purposes. Again, long story, don't want to get into it now. It was four years before I got away from that problem. So, I've come to agree with Coopstah about some people being able to size people up well enough to put some characteristics together in ways that might seem like spotting abuse, but are only good instincts and judgment.


#188742 - 10/25/07 05:31 PM Re: Can People Spot Survivors?? [Re: dgoods]
frozen Offline

Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 22
Loc: Europe
I dont know about other survivors,but perps spot me.I have flashing sign over my head"well trained a**"I just got today a note from customer that he is interested.I hate it.

#189930 - 11/04/07 05:31 PM Re: Can People Spot Survivors?? [Re: dgoods]
irishgirl Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/04/07
Posts: 5
Loc: Pittsburgh, PA
Hmmmm....I have to agree with "dgoods"...We're hyperattentive to others unconscious signals, body language, 'vibes'.
I also beleive we are brought into each other's lives for a reason (or a season; both are the case for me recently). When I told my now ex-boyfriend Jay that I was a survivor, he reacted
in a way that was "over the top"...crying, wanting to "kill the bastards", and become extremely over-protective of me, even though I assured him I had done the work of healing. Later,(a whole year later), he shouted out that he had been sexually abused by his sister at the age of 10. This explains alot of his behavior throughout our extremely volatile relationship.

#189939 - 11/04/07 06:23 PM Re: Can People Spot Survivors?? [Re: irishgirl]
tartugas Offline

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
I'm very interested by this thread and I'm glad it has resurfaced.

First off, I do not believe there is a "bullseye" that marks us as targets early on, nor do I believe that there is a specific "survivor" vibe that can be easily spotted.

As children, most, if not all of us, gerew up in homes where we were not protected or nurtured in vital, fundamental ways. This left us particularly vulnerable to the machinations of our abusers. It's not that we broadcast that status, most abusers (who were not themselves immediate family members)literally fished around looking for people like us. We took the bait that others left behind, that's part of the reason we were "picked".

Are there people who are attracted to one another in this world for reasons that seem inexplicable at first? Of course, the ways we inteeract with others are incredibly rich and go beyond spoken words. If it weren't for these kinds of connecting with others, love itself would be a far less exciting experience. That said, the ways in which we connect later in life take on so many dimensions, it's certainly possible that we survivors can pick up on something "special" about each other. But there are lots of other ways we all connect to other people. I guess I just want to stress that we shouldn't let ourselves get so weighed down worrying about survivor stigma, we have so many other qualities that other people respond to that we're not aware of. One sign of healing is beginning to see all the good that is inside of us that others see as well.

"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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