Newest Members
jake1985, cactus8, Neil Benesh, blazzeee, mmm coffee
13531 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
isol8er (46), omrfople (41), zookeeper (54)
Who's Online
2 registered (Ceremony, Chris4TheMill), 59 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,531 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,387 Topics
491,556 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#189875 - 11/04/07 06:32 AM Re: Hate opening up to the wrong idiot
dwchan Offline

Registered: 03/11/05
Posts: 19
Loc: Vancouver, BC
I've been feeling pretty vulnerable lately and two days ago I opened up my latest struggle to someone I've known for about two months. He is a new co-worker who just joined our team and we became partners during the course of the last two months. Why would I open up to him? Because I thought he would understand... because I was simply desperate... and because I was stupid. The worst thing is that he just laid the law on me and asked if I knew that the Bible was against what I was telling him... what a stupid question! Of course, I knew what the Bible says...anyway, I just wanted to air out my frustration here. I felt so stupid afterward and wish I could untold what I told him!! I hate being vulnerable. All my senses are not functioning normally. I am one stupid man...


"And these things were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified..." 1 Cor. 6:11a

#189892 - 11/04/07 12:11 PM Re: Hate opening up to the wrong idiot [Re: dwchan]
dgoods Offline

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I've been there, not in terms of opening up about SA-related stuff, but i've inadvertently scared off potential friends, g/f's, screwed myself over in initially comfortable work or class environments, etc. just b/c i had such a strong need to share, blurting out something and watching other's faces freeze or frown, watching people shut up when i walked in a room, seeing people whispering to each other when they'd be all smiles to my face, and so forth. I know the feeling of "Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!" For a long time, i'd either talk to no one about anything, or blab my history of depression, suicide attempts, etc. to any friendly-seeming face (being drunk or high made it twice as bad). There's a middle ground that can be hard for us to find- you're not stupid, just in need of some validation.
I've had episodes of being mercilessly toyed with and mocked, but i know today that the world's supply of jerks isn't running low anytime soon, and i just have to be careful what i say and to whom. Just like others can't read your mind, you can't read theirs either. We often think that it's all or nothing, but it almost never is- don't hate yourself or give up on finding someone you can be open with, the internal conflict and pressure won't go away by turning your back on it. I hope this helped...

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.