I personally, have tried to get a lot of information about why the attraction exists in the context of being a survivor...
I think a large part of the reason for this confusion lies in the fact that it's in childhood that we begin to lay down the foundations for our sexual thinking. That's a scary and intimidating area for kids, and they work on it very gradually: trying out ideas, talking and relating to and experimenting with peers, processing information from parents and school, and so on.
But when a boy is sexually abused all those foundations may be wrecked or called into question. Instead of building further, the boy begins to learn a whole array of false lessons about himself and about sex and sexuality. I still remember the ones I learned: "Sex is what grownups do to hurt kids", "This is all I am good for", "Sex hurts", "He wants me like this because I'm bad", and so on.
With all that burden loaded on him, how is a boy to figure out who he is sexually, what he really wants, and what's good for him? Bear in mind also that for him all the customary taboos of certain places we don't touch and certain things we don't do have gone entirely overboard. The boy's sense of boundaries is confused, if not entirely wrecked, and it's as if he has been reprogrammed in an entirely dysfunctional way.
I remember that too. When I got my first real job painting a house (age 15) I thought the guy hired me so he could take me to the house and fuck me; in high school, when my astronomy teacher invited me to come to his house late one night to stargaze (age 17) I again thought the whole thing was a set-up. But what's really significant is that in both cases I went
, knowing (I thought) what was expected - it just didn't matter anymore. And did it change my mind when the house really was a painting job and the stargazing was an astronomy club? Nope! I was astonished, but my messed-up thinking was too deeply ingrained to be changed that fast or so easily.
So no wonder a boy is confused when the abuse ends. The physical harm may be over, but unless the boy gets help the emotional damage will just continue on into adulthood. Sometimes in obvious ways, but in other cases in ways we don't even notice.
Granddad, your urges to connect with guys could be a case of this. Abuse places a huge emotional burden on a boy, and as I said, that doesn't go away just because he grows up. He may have a whole bunch of unresolved feelings that come up and torment him later on. And because he can't resolve them he seeks to cope by reenacting them.
For example, your feelings could originate with the abused boy's feelings of helplessness and defenselessness - that is, you recall how out of control everything was. So you seek to respond to this by acting out this scenario now in adulthood: you select the partner, the time, the place, and you decide what will happen and how things will end. That is, you are restoring a sense of control that you didn't have in childhood.
Another possibility is that the abuse left you feeling (as was the case with me) ashamed and feeling worthless and deserving of punishment. Connecting with guys would allow you to exact punishment against yourself.
I doubt this applies in your case, but it also happens that a genuinely gay man is cut off from his true sexuality by abuse. He equates gay sex with the things that happen in abuse, not seeing that homosexuality has nothing to do with child abuse: the one is a matter of choice between sharing partners and the other is a crime committed against an innocent child.
Acting out is never a solution to our problems of confusion, bro, so I would advise you not to give in to the temptation to go down that road. It becomes a very destructive cycle and is harder to break out of the longer one stays in it. The answer is to find a good therapist who can guide and advise you through all the difficulties and complexities of this issue.
Hope this helps a bit.