Newest Members
jez, Long Way Home, Bcbornleo, Orko, molander
13593 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
coolcat (50), davids_wifey_xoxo (40), jjt (50), Kieran1 (65), terryj (61)
Who's Online
6 registered (genedebs, rolex, SDD757, 3 invisible), 34 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,593 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,684 Topics
493,719 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#189389 - 10/31/07 05:08 PM Something new to talk about
Marinan Offline

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 330
I have trouble having a good time in public. More than one person of any gender at a time scares me, as I was done hard against repeatedly. Sometimes even by female perpetrators.

#189415 - 10/31/07 08:21 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: Marinan]
dgoods Offline

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I hate crowds, i get panic attacks, but i'm also stressed by small groups too, i spend all my time worrying about who to trust, who "the top dog" is, are they all messing w/ me, etc.

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

#189420 - 10/31/07 08:39 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: dgoods]

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
I hate being around anyone, let alone crowds.

#189426 - 10/31/07 09:22 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
If I can't be alone, I'd rather be in a LARGE group. So much easier to blend into the wallpaper and not be bothered.

What get's me is that small group - where people notice each other easily. Too many eyes, to many possible bad things.


#191572 - 11/16/07 12:36 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: MarkK]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I too have problems with this. what I have learned to so is at large functions for work I stay with people I have some trust in. I really don't go large functions unless I have to or to be supportive of someone I care about. being behind closed doors with people I don't really know messes with me. Meetings where I have to talk about myself are tough. Although AA did help me with some of these fears it does not mean I have trust, and that is probably why I am the way I am about social situations.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#191587 - 11/16/07 04:10 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: GateKPR4]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
One of my biggest problems when it comes to people is being around my friends who know I am going through lots of crap from my past, but don't know yet what the crap is. I still can not tell anyone what happened to me as a child. I just am not at that point yet in my recovery. So I am always second guessing what they are thinking about me. It scares me to death. So consequently I try to stay away from my friends as much as possible. My GF doesn't understand this, I guess that is something that we both have to work on.


From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#193303 - 12/01/07 01:10 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: KENKEN]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1677
Loc: Moscow, Russia

Social anxiety in a small group is not very much a problem for me later. But it was not until I learned a lot about other people, my friends or coworkers. They even help me and I feel good when in group.

In the past I suffered a lot with frustration, feelings of detachment from reality and sweating - all the symptoms of anxiety and panic.

You willbe better with time. I hope you will heal fast. Trust me, this is passing with time.


When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

#193327 - 12/01/07 05:16 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: alexey]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Maybe it would help you to focus on exactly what it is you fear when you are in a group. I went through a stage where had a lot of anxiety in a group setting, and it turned out I was afraid I would dissociate - and then who knows what would happen? But once I had that connection out in the open I could then tell myself that when I dissociated it was almost always when I was alone in a quiet house, not out in public with lots of people making noise.

It's like this with so many issues concerning abuse. It's useful to look at something and ask ourselves what the causes are. Once we have addressed the cause, the behavior that concerns us may well just fade out.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#200049 - 01/18/08 10:38 AM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: roadrunner]
Danbuff Offline

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Yep I understand the feelings expressed here by hating crowds because I never feel like I fit in. The good news for me is I keep trying to overcome the anxiety and fear. I have to admit I keep trying with a certain determination. My T says it takes practice and that it may be just as hard for many others there too.
I know he is right, at least I believe I am not the only one who has a hard time and there are countless others out there who have had hard lives growing up or even as adults. When I am able to remember that, it helps me feel like I am going to be okay. It does not always work but there have been some really nice times where I felt I was okay and had better control.

There is a lot of comfort in knowing we are not alone. Does anyone else connect with that idea?


When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

#200114 - 01/18/08 07:50 PM Re: Something new to talk about [Re: Danbuff]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Not feeling like you are the only one in a situation helps a ton. Definitely know this, but I have trouble feeling this.

Like Larry, I've sometimes realized after the fact that I am afraid of having a kind of excallating anxiety leading to dissociation and a terrifying feeling of being out of control in (what feels like) a dangerous situation. (Sound familiar?) It can happen quickly and feeds on itself (fear of the fear) like a panic attack. What helps is to quickly take action to calm myself, and learn to trust myself to do that.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

Page 1 of 2 1 2 >

Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.