I wish I could help, but it kinda seems like most of the regular board members have taken a break in light of recent events (posters taking advantage of all our trust and good will).
I just thought I would at least chime in and say that I'm sorry to hear about your lack of success with meds. I have been on a small variety of antidepressants myself for the last 10 or so years, so I at least know a little about how you feel. SSRIs have helped me a great deal but they are by no means a complete solution. I personally have found a second medication that is used for people with parkinson's that I take in sub-clinical doses (very little is needed) along with my SSRI, and it has eliminated virtually all of the side effects, while at the same time filling in all the gaps that the SSRI left behind. Keep in mind it took me 10 years to find it, and I have to mail-order it from Europe because my doctor cannot prescribe it to me due to some "small print".
Hang in there, there is something out there that will get you where you need to be, and it looks like you are well on your way to finding it.
Best of luck,
Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.