Thanks for responding Brian & Kelly. I really appreciate it.
Yesterday, I was a total mess. I spent the day alone which was good, but I alternated between crying & sleep. When he called me for the 1st time, I apologized for taking my anger & confusion & putting it on him. He was totally ok with that part, he does love me very much. But then I asked him if he talked to anyone at the hospital & he said no, he didn't need help - he just wanted to put it behind him. That he was still standing (they didn't beat him, but his limbs hurt) & that I was the only one not letting this go.
I started to cry becuase this is so serious & I told him that. It was not his fault, he was sexually violated & I was feeling really sad that I couldn't be there with him, sad about what happened, sad that he was embarrassed & hurt. He was so hurt by my crying & racking sobs. He understood as soon as I put the shoe on his foot & asked him how he would feel if this had happened to me. He understands my upsetness, but it was so much for him because I couldn't stop crying I was almost wailing.
We spoke again & again I started to cry & be so upset. He said he wished he had more money where he could just fly to where I was so that he could console me as he felt he needed to console me more than I did him. He then said he shouldn't have told me because I was so upset & I quickly told him that I wanted him to tell me everything & that I would never hide anything from him. He understood my meaning & I don't really think he meant to say that - he was just upset that I was so upset. He never cried, but he was upset by my crying. Again, he said he wanted to move past this & it made him even more happy to know that we are going to be together soon.
The helpline I called yesterday told me maybe I could confide in a friend that I trust & it would help me be able to talk to him & not cry. I did speak to my friend about this who actually is an MRI/XRay tech & has seen these types of abnormalities & has learned about them firsthand, so I felt better talking to her about it. She would never say anything to anyone (we went to kindergarten together & have been friends forever).
I spoke to him several times yesterday, just trying to make sure he was ok -- saying things like "You would tell me if you weren't ok right?" & "you would talk to me about this is you needed to right?" & he agreed each time. He just doesn't want to talk to a psychologist about it. He filed the police report & took a blood test & answered their questions.
Later in the evening, I would ask small questions here & there because I want to know. He would get a bit ticked like, I knew this would just be brought up again & again - but he would answer me. I mean, I need to ask questions like "did you get a blood test" - only because he forgot to tell me.
Before bed he sent a text message picture to me which was a design of the alphabet letters in the soup he was eating. It said "I love you (& my name)" He is such a strong man, I love him so - but I want to make sure this doesn't affect him in other ways -- like getting angry at other things, pulling himself away from people & not going out anymore, not talking about it.
The fact of the matter is, I have to try & respect what he wants. & he doesn't want to speak to anyone professionally about it. I'm not sure how else to suggest or remind without making him angry.
Thanks for your help, I can tell this site is exactly what I need right now.
- D's Girlfriend