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#184536 - 10/04/07 02:59 AM About male role-models
Somethingnot Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/02/07
Posts: 7
I've been cruising this site, and one thing I noticed was that this isn't talked about much, maybe because it's not such a large issue with some as it has been for me?

For me, it was always my mother's father, probably because A) his reputation is stellar and everyone only seems to have good opinions about it, B) because the few memories I have of him are very, very positive, and C) because he died when I was so young that it allows me to forge the rest in my imagination as I see fit. The fact is, I didn't know him hardly at all and as such that allowed me to think of him in whatever way made me most happy. To this day I do that very thing.

I'm just curious who other people choose, if anyone, to help them think "hey, I can be like that".

#184545 - 10/04/07 03:42 AM Re: About male role-models [Re: Somethingnot]
arozork Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 16
Loc: Massachusetts, US
I always admired my grandfather. He was a very humble person that always liked to help people in need. He taught me a lot. Even though he is dead, he is still a male role model for me. I think spending so much time with him, shaped the way I am today.

#184547 - 10/04/07 03:55 AM Re: About male role-models [Re: arozork]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
My grandfather affected me the same way. He was in the war and now was very very subdued. Very stoic and never ever was his time in the war to be brought up. Felt like he could understand pain. Didn't know him so well but learned that strength was bearing your burdan. Not great for a survivor eh?

Still only good memories of him, so strong.

Stay strong


#184591 - 10/04/07 11:15 AM Re: About male role-models *DELETED* [Re: mogigo]
ttoon Offline

Registered: 06/20/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

checkin out for a few weeks... whistle

#185022 - 10/06/07 12:54 AM Re: About male role-models [Re: ttoon]
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Both of my Grandfathers were faultless as far as I was concerned when I was a child!

My Paternal Grandfather used to take me for very long walks around the countryside from about when I was 3 years old (took me in my pushchair before that). He taught me the names of all the wild plants that we saw on the way & even told me which ones you could eat if necessary (many is the time I've pulled a long stem of grass & eaten the soft green shoot within, also eaten what he used to call vinegar leaves). He also used to take me to local allotments where his friends spent there time growing vegetables and raising chickens, geese and ducks. There was always something new to learn when I was with him.

My Maternal Grandfather used to live next to a wood (Oakenshaw/Brancepath Forest) and also used to take me walking there. It is with him that I have one of my best and earliest memories. One day, I would have only been about 3 or 4 years old and we went for a walk, whereby we came to a firebreak in the trees. We started to walk along it, and there was a field at the other end, that you could just see. The sun suddenly shone right along the firebreak, and it illuminated the fresh spring leaves on the trees. It lit up the glorious bluebells that carpeted the path from start to end. It accented the stunning claret rhododendrons that lined the path. I could also see the sun shining on my grandads scalp as his hair was very thin. I remember that we looked at each other without saying anything, because we both just knew that we had been awarded a very special vision that day, even though I was so young.

I thought that all adult males would be like my grandparents! I later found out that was not the case!

Best wishes ...Rik

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#187036 - 10/14/07 04:18 PM Re: About male role-models [Re: RICK57]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mine was and still is my father. He's a great guy and the big breakthrough in my recovery was mustering up the courage to tell him what happened to me when I was a kid. I was so scared what he would think of me, but when I told him he gave me a big hug, held me close and told me I'm his son and he will always love me, and this wasn't my fault.

He also asked if the abuser is still alive, and when I told him no he said, "Well, there's number one crossed off the list."

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#187097 - 10/14/07 09:28 PM Re: About male role-models [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
My grandfather (my mother's father) died before the abuse started, I think he helped me thru those times, I remember thinking that he would have a plan to help get me out of my troubled world at home. Still have the chair he used to sit in at his house in Florida in my living room. I also think I'm going to name my first child after him. His name was Camille and no I would never name my son Camille. Everyone called him Cam for short thats why I will name my son/daugther Cameron and we will call him/her Cam.


"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#187193 - 10/15/07 02:47 AM Re: About male role-models [Re: onlyakid]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
I had a couple of men I looked up to for support and affirmation. A teacher and a boss I had when I was still a teen. I had opportunity to talk with the boss a couple years back and took the opportunity to tell him how much he meant to me during those years. I also ran into the teacher not long back. He and I now travel in the same circles frequently. He is over 80 years old, but I've told him the meaning he had in my young life, and shed a few tears with him regarding some of his own heartache.

Yeah, I had some men who believed in me and it made all the difference to teenage John. Bob and Kent, I'm sure you probably have no idea the extent of the impact you had on my life, but thanks.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson


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