This is my first post here on MS. So glad to have found this site.
I've been in therapy for about two decades now (egads)and only recently was I able to articulate a very central concept in my recovery, or rather, my therapist articulated it after my ramblings. The word is identity, and what I find difficult to confront is the chasm that exists in the person I think of myself as before the abuse, and the person I've now become. I just don't seem to be able to reconcile these ideas, and I've always wondered what is wrong with me that I can't wrap my brain around it.
After my therapy session I wandered into a used book store, and there on the shelf: Identity, Youth and Crisis by Eric Erikson. So I bought it and read it. Be warned: it's a tough read! Full of psychotherapy talk and concepts that were not intended for the layman I found myself reading certain sections repeatedly with no comprehension.
However, it did point up the fact that adolescence is a very key time in the development of the individual, especially in terms of figuring out who we are, what we want, and how we will be in the world. The book isn't specifically survivor oriented. I don't think the work of "survivorship" existed yet. But it does really help to begin to grapple with the concepts of identity. If knowledge is power then I recommend it for those of you with alot of time and a good attention span.
If this theme of identity resonates with any of you, I'd love to hear about it. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be.