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#182279 - 09/25/07 03:49 PM Challenges of couples therapy
GentleSoul Offline

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 244
Loc: San Diego
Hello everyone,

My partner and I are going to couples therapy and I find it very challenging. I feel that our therapist is more concerned about getting me and my partner back together as opposed to helping us deal with me being an incest survivor. I was very upset when she asked me, "How can you enliven the intimacy with Richard?" How is someone who has a fear of intimacy supposed to answer that question? For a person who claims she's treated rape survivors, I'm wondering if she even understands what I went through. One other thing that rubbed me the wrong way was when she shot me down when Richard disclosed to her my philosophy of priority and self care. A program member told me that I have to put my recovery first over everything else. This program member reasoned that if you put other's needs over your own, you will never recover. Our therapist told me that I was given terrible advice. She proclaimed that my recovery and relationship should have equal priority. Please let me know who is correct!! One exercise she also gave us that ruffled my feathers was sitting down and telling each other our indiscretions - confession time if you will. She wanted us to get used to the idea of being open and honest. I'm feeling some resistance here because, for a person with trust issues, I feel as if she's forcing me to be vulnerable. I realize her objective is to provide therapy for couples, but shouldn't she be at least familiar or understanding of an individual's well being? I appreciate in advance your inputs.


I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

#182355 - 09/26/07 12:54 AM Re: Challenges of couples therapy [Re: GentleSoul]
TNuss Offline

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 203
Loc: Del-A-Ware???

I have read your post several times now and I just wanted to say I'm sorry! I wish I had addresses for you, but what you explain is exactly why I don't think couple therapy would work for me. I'm just so use to keeping stuff(my feelings) to myself. I'm not ready to be open, honest, and OUT!

Good Luck!!!

All my best!!!

In harmony,
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

#182366 - 09/26/07 01:28 AM Re: Challenges of couples therapy [Re: TNuss]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA

Like TNuss, I've read your post several times, wishing I could offer something of value. I guess the only thing I can say is that you've got the wrong therapist, for all three reasons you described. I think you are right on track, and shouldn't let her talk you into doing some phychobabble tricks that aren't in your best interests. Follow your heart on this one, buddy!

Best wishes,


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche


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