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#18072 - 09/07/04 11:44 AM Where to begin
BinMichigan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 18
I just found this site tonight, it has been another night without sleep and I have to do something about my head. While reading this board I shake. I shake tonight as I wrote down what happenned to me. I need to find a counselor in Michigan but I dont know where to begin. I don't want to just open a phone book and pick a counselor. How do I find a reputable counselor? I am terrified to talk to anyone about my childhood, how can I trust a complete stranger?

#18073 - 09/07/04 01:33 PM Re: Where to begin
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Welcome, B:

Check out

We also have a list of therapists experienced in male victimization issues on this site.

Good luck

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#18074 - 09/07/04 02:06 PM Re: Where to begin
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Welcome, BinMichigan,

A few months ago, I was at the same place as you, wondering where to begin. Finding this site was a great help in at least knowing I wasn't so alone in what I've felt all these years.

Like you, I didn't want to just pick someone out of the yellow pages to spill my soul to. I called my state's Psychology Association and asked for recommendations for therapists in my area who deal specifically with sexual abuse. Also, if gender is a concern for you (it was for me), make that known as well and ask for names of only men or women as you prefer.

I'm glad you've found this site, and I know it will help you on your healing journey. Feel free to ask any and all questions here.


#18075 - 09/07/04 03:37 PM Re: Where to begin
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
B. A belated welcome. Both Ken and Eddie have made some sound suggestions. B you are not alone remember that. And what happened to you was the worst possible thing that could have happened to you. You will find compassion, caring, friendship and the odd kick in the ass here. But know you are amung friends who have strong supportive shoulders.



#18076 - 09/07/04 05:20 PM Re: Where to begin
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...

Welcome to the site.
Hope it can be a source of information and friendship, you know you are not alone in this place,

take care


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#18077 - 09/07/04 07:35 PM Re: Where to begin
BinMichigan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 18
I logged on earlier and spoke with a couple of guys in chat. Everyone here has been so helpful and very welcoming. I think I may have bit off more than I can chew (at one time). Last night I was reduced to a 5 year old boy, scared, alone and defensive. I opened the flood gates of my memory and too much came out for me to handle at once. I am still shaking and it has been over 18 hours since I began writing my experiences down. I found that the problems I am having are common throughout abused males. I have finally calmed down, even though I am still shaking I am 100 percent here. I attempted to go to work this morning and I had a panic attack, something I have never experienced before. Came home abruptly, logged on and chatted. It was the best thing for me. I was ready to bottle it all back up because I could not handle the sheer terror of some of the memories. RJ and FLRich, thank you again for calming me down and the great advice. I dont think I will continue on with my writing and recalls until I am under the care of a psychitrist. I simply can not handle that on my own

#18078 - 09/07/04 08:58 PM Re: Where to begin
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I can remember those early days of accepting that I needed help, they weren't good days but here I am 5 years on and doing OK.

It took me 31 years to disclose to anyone, and I chose my wife just before our 25th wedding anniversary, we've just had our 30th.
My biggest fear was that our marriage would end when she discovered what had happened, and what the abuse did to me as an adult.
But she accepted all that. Why? because it wasn't my fault, and whatever problems you're experiencing are most likely linked to your abuse as well.
People accept this, we might not believe that they will, but in most cases they do.

Does it get better?
Yes it does, it's not easy and there's a lot of pain involved, but it does get easier and a good life is perfectly possible.
And you've done the hardest part by disclosing your past, even doing it here lightens the load.
But when we disclose we don't know what's going to happen, and that scares the shit out of us! But again, it's something that gets easier the more we do it.

I always recommend therapy, I had about 4 years 1 to 1 and I attend a group now. And I know 100% that I couldn't have done it without therapy. I tried on my own for 31 years, and that didn't work!
Try and get a therapist that either specializes in, or has good experience, of the special problems Survivors have. We are a difficult bunch of people with wide ranging problems, so we need someone who knows what they're on about.

Until then, stick with us. At MS you'll find terrific support and help, and if you need anything - just ask.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#18079 - 09/07/04 09:15 PM Re: Where to begin
BinMichigan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 18
I thin right now my biggest problem is I have no good emotions. Just fear, anger, rage, guilt, shame and sadness. I dont have any good emotions anymore and I have not for a while. I feel empty, just a void of pain. If I go out of the house (for the last 18 hours) I have panic attacks, if I feel out of my safe zone my heart goes so fast its going to jump out of my chest. This scares me cause I have never had this problem before and I have to work. I have to find something to calm me down more and I dont want it to be narcotic pain killers as I finally kicked those a couple of years ago. I cant seem to calm down enough to leave the house.

#18080 - 09/08/04 12:10 AM Re: Where to begin
fusionoflove Offline

Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 112
Loc: Los Angeles, CA

I'm really happy that you've found this site. I think everyone here will agree that it has been a good thing for their recovery. I don't care how long a psychologist has been studying sexual abuse. Until someone has experienced it, they have no clue. That goes for everyone else as well. I do think that you'll find a lot more ppl out there and in here that are willing and able to help you in whatever capacity they can.

Everyone has to get on the road somewhere. You've started my friend. It looks scary right now because you feel all alone. Don't try to sweat it too much. We'll be here whenever you need to ask for directions so to speak. I applaud you, your stronger than what you think. In the meantime, pick up Mike Lew's book, Victims No Longer. It's been really helpful for me.

Take it easy and welcome,


#18081 - 09/08/04 12:35 AM Re: Where to begin
BinMichigan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 18
Well I talked with my wife and she is remarkable. She is not pushing for information, she says whatever I feel comfortable telling her she would be happy with. She says she will support me in anyway she can. Let me tell you I got lucky after all the crap she has put up with me, grouchy, edgy and severely emotionally detached she still is kind and thoughtful. That's true love.

Well I am going to take some sleeping pills so I can maybe actually sleep. I have been up for nearly 40 hours and I am still wired. I hope I can actually make it to work without a panic attack tomorrow.

Again thank you everyone for your acceptance and warm welcomes.
By the way the name is Brian

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