I wrote this response to a friend here at MaleSurvivor -- the wife of a CSA victim who up until now is unwilling to deal with his CSA and how it is effecting their marriage. I hope our conversations may provide encouragement to other folks.
Sorry I've taken so long to respond. I do hope that you'll order "Unlocking The Secrets Of Your Childhood Memories" by Kevin Leman and Randy Carlson -- and that your hubby will read through it together with you.
Only the LORD can move your hubby's heart to WANT to confront his CSA... so be patient with him...and PRAY.
The LORD has done many incredible miracles in Rosie's & my marriage - but NONE anywhere near as big as the totally new relationship we've enjoyed in the last 10 days (since I felt the courage, trust, and freedom to be able to fully disclose to my Sweetie what I've been through and how it CONTINUES to effect me.) We've fallen in love more deeply and passionately than ever before. There's a never-before depth and excitement between us -- augmented by the 22 years of experiences we've been though together. It's sorta like courting and being newlyweds all over again.. only SO much better!!!!
My Sweetie was patient with me all these years...never pushed me beyond what I felt I could open up about. I wasn't able to face it all those years..and since I couldn't deal with it, I sure wasn't ready to have her battle through it with me. Yes, I very much NEEDED the "space". She thought there was a problem with her up until last week...so terrible of me to have let my inward suffering cause her all that anguish of her own.
I NEVER... repeat... NEVER had any doubts that my Sweetie is the one the LORD intended for me. Of course things like me being borderline OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and her being a pack-rat... things like my different educational and cultural background were "issues" we've worked through -- but I NEVER doubted that my Sweetie was the LORD's greatest gift to me after salvation itself.
You asked if I ever "cheated" on Rosie. I'm bragging on the LORD when I say that NO, I never was unfaithful to her with another woman OR with another guy. I completely lost any interest in other guys when I got saved; have never felt that attraction again. And because my mother has been the most unspeakably horrible and destructive person in my life -- including up to this very day -- I've NEVER found women physically / sexually attractive. I've had many good friends who are women -- but NEVER had any sexual attraction to women...
...until NOW!!! NOW, I want to please my Sweetie in every way that I can -- including all the closeness, snuggling, tickling, hugging, and smooching that we can enjoy together!!!!!
Lastly, we're to "...bear one another's burdens...", so I'm more than happy -- BLESSED in fact -- to help any way that I can. Don't hesitate to ask any questions that may be on your mind, OK?
We'll be praying for y'all...
"...for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him..."
"...rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep..."
"...for the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost..."