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#179148 - 09/08/07 04:11 PM He Could Have Held Me
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
I was not frightened
I just didn't want to
I didn't like it
It was creepy
I hid
But I knew I wasn't hiding
I knew he knew where I was
But, it felt safe there in the closet
Strange, huh?
He knew
I knew he knew
And yet curled up in there in a big ball in the dark it was somehow safe
Sort of
But, I knew he would come
And I knew what we would do
Do you know he never smiled
Never held me close
Oh, he held me
He had to hold me
I was so little
But he never hugged me
Never made me feel warm or loved
We just did those things
I wonder if he got off
Little kids don't know about those things
Don't think about those things
At least not the way we did it
It's like he just wanted to see me squirm
Like I was this sexual science project or something
I squirmed
God, I squirmed
And then it would be over
You know how bad I wanted him to love me?
You know the things I would have let him do if he would have just loved me?
Anything he wanted
But he did that anyway, didn't he
I loved him most times, I think
We did fun stuff
I remember laughing
I remember him laughing
It was just something we did
Something I had to do
A part of my day
But he never held me close
When he was doing those things
You know, those things
At least he could have held me

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#179154 - 09/08/07 04:55 PM Re: He Could Have Held Me [Re: Bobby]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I'm so sorry. You deserved not only to be kept safe, but also to get that nurturing and comforting - that feeling of being a special boy - just as you, without conditions. And of course without doing those things.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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