I understand what it feels like to give your partner everything that you have and it still not be good enough - it sucks huge!!!
No you do not deserve this - you deserve so much more. You should not feel rejected on one hand while being told that he loves you and is committed to you on the other. His confusion is sucking the life out of you.
You have to stop letting all of this dictate your self worth - easy to say, I know but I think you need to take some steps for your own good. Can you get into a support group? Are you able to go for counseling?
I go to a Christian 12 step program (not as regular as I should unfortunately!!) called Celebrate Recovery. It's through my church and it is the most loving and nurturing atmosphere. It is designed to focus on YOU and the root of your problems. It is also designed for you to RECOVER from your issues. I know that you are in the UK, but here is the link to Celebrate Recovery in the UK in case you would like to check it out:http://www.celebraterecovery-ne.com/contacts-uk.html
You had said that you had your own issues that you bring to your relationship with your bf, I think you need to concentrate on your issues and distance yourself from him and his issues for a while.
I found out through CR that I am codependant, which blew my mind because I'm tough as nails and I thought that meant that you "needed to have somebody" - which I don't. I found out that it means that I got so wrapped up in my husband and all of his issues that I no longer knew where he stopped and I began. So in other words I lost myself along the way, and it's true.
You had said to me that you came from a broken home and would not do that to your children, I so entirely understand that Beccy, but in your post above you said it yourself that this seems like a prison sentence. You have only 1 shot at this life (that's in my opinion that we only have 1 life!), are you willing to sacrifice your life and continue living this way. I became afraid that I would wake up one day and be 80 years old and realize that I threw my life away for him, having not lived my life the way it was meant to be lived. Your not happy and that has to reflect to your children - it did to mine.
I'm not encouraging you to leave him, but apparently something drastic has to be done. Can you go to couples counseling??
I know that your afraid, that's natural but I can tell you that YOU can do whatever needs to be done. You have the strength to do what you need to do - you just need to find it.
PM me if you would like.
Take care of yourself Beccy!!