My apologies up front - this may be a more than just a bit long ...
Many of you know of my struggles to get my inner child to trust me, and the hunger to remember everything that happened in my past. There has also been a big tug-of-war inside myself about giving my abuse over to the Lord and letting Him handle it as He wills.
Tonight I went to Worship Team rehearsal, then Bible Study. Our youth pastor taught tonight, and we spent a good amount of time in prayer. Our youth pastor has always been a man of vision, receiving sight from God over different people. He often says they never seem to make much sense to him, but those he has spoken over will also tell you how much the visions ring true in their own hearts.
Anyhoo, tonight he got a vision for me. He saw me standing in a dark corner, crying - and I was a child. I was also there as an adult, just standing beside the young me. The Lord was walking toward us, and I had a hand outstretched and was telling him "No, Lord, I can't." He would say "You can" and continue towards me, but again I would tell him "No, Lord, I can't". (You should know the youth pastor knows nothing about my childhood.)
Little Mark then reached up and took my arm and pulled it to my side. He slipped his hand in mine and looked up at me and said "We can."
We can. We can. Little Mark trusts me. More importantly, he trusts God.
Tonight I gave my abuse to the Lord. Whether or not I ever remember it is no longer important at this time. I hope I do - and I know if I do - it will be at a safe place and time. But even if I don't - it's not mine to worry over any longer. It belongs to my Lord and King.
I've been giggling a lot tonight. Cried a bit at the time - but even then was laughing through the tears.
I am going to recover. God is giving me my complete life. I will be whole.
ps - Little Mark says "hey" ...