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#177687 - 09/01/07 11:19 PM Re: Can you learn empathy? [Re: emptydreamer]
honey girl Offline

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Emptydreamer,

I hope my reply doesn't come across as too blunt.

But your wife, survivor or no, has no license to be hurtful or cruel to you when she is in pain (or any other time, for that matter).

It is especially unfair for her to use any of your disclosures as weapons against you.

I strongly recommend that the two of you figure out--books, therapy, somehow--how to fight fair. This way is not good for either one of you.

You are entitled to respect from your partner, no matter what; your partner is entitled to respect from you. Survivorhood does not give anyone the right to behave badly.

My second husband was frequently verbally abusive toward me. I hated him for it. Eventually it was a large factor in our separation and divorce. The corrosive effects of this kind of behavior should not be minimized. Words DO hurt and leave scars.

I don't blame you for wanting to protect yourself. Please take some more steps to make sure that you both have a safe haven in each other.


I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

#177732 - 09/02/07 02:21 AM Re: Can you learn empathy? [Re: emptydreamer]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
Originally Posted By: emptydreamer
I know that I am a tough man to love. I have a hard time even loving myself. My emotions were stolen from me and I'm trying desperately to get them back. It is hard, but I will not give up.

Powerful statement, and the answer "lies within" to quote one of my favorite movies "The Shawshank Redemption". The more you love yourself the easier it will be to be loved by others, and the less you will be willing to "take" the bad behavior hurled your way. On the flip side, the less bad behavior you will be hurling her way.


Edited by walkingsouth (09/02/07 02:53 PM)
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#177749 - 09/02/07 04:46 AM Re: Can you learn empathy? [Re: WalkingSouth]
nicky Offline

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
cathy i love you
im working on fixing this :'-(
i will make a apointment when they open ok

Edited by nicky (09/02/07 04:52 AM)
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

#177750 - 09/02/07 04:48 AM Re: Can you learn empathy? [Re: emptydreamer]
head&heart Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 17
Loc: Chose the hard place--left the...
Dear Emptydreamer and everybody,
Do not despair of finally achieving intimacy and empathy.

I have been through one hell of weekend with the man I will always love. As usual it was precipitated by my demands for change and the looming end of our life together. But after years of unwillingness, this evening, he reached out and acknowledged that his CSA did make a difference in him. At this point he knows that his overriding cynicism was created at that time. This is huge! I want to express my thanks to this site and in particular "walkingsouth', for his thoughts regarding "ENABLING" and especially my brave husband who has begun seeking the road to self.
Thanks so much for being here when we needed you.
There are no words..

Edited by head&heart (09/02/07 05:02 AM)

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