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#175774 - 08/25/07 08:03 PM How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!)
SECfanMIKE Offline

Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 172
Loc: South Carolina
For each of us here at MALE SURVIVOR, our stores may be very different, but -- PRAISE GOD! -- His story is always the same!!Here's a condensed view of where I'm coming from for folks I haven't met yet. In 2nd grade, my parents separated. My mother took my brother & me to live near her parents in Washington, DC. During that time, my mother's uncle molested me for about 1 1/2 years. My mother knowingly allowed this abuse to go on because she was afraid that if she confronted him she might be cut off from her family's money. My grand-uncle played on my deep needs for acceptance & affection; very emotionally intimate.

My grand-uncle used my deep need for affection to manipulate me. I vividly remember times getting out of the shower with him & laying on his white tiger rug or bed. He performed oral sex on me, sodomized me, forced me to perform oral sex on him. He may have forced my younger brother & me to engage each other sexually (a but fuzzy on that). He was never violent. Recognizing my emotional vulnerability, he was emotionally intimate: cuddled me, held me, snuggled me, lavished me with affection.

From the time my mother sent my brother and me back to live with my Dad -- because she said that I was "...turning into a queer..." -- (an 8 year old!); my Dad and brother were extremely cruel, verbally and physically abusive. From the time my younger brother Chris and I were toddlers, my Dad had always hated me because I wasn't the tall, aggressive, athletic son that my younger brother was. After returning from 1 1/2 years of being molested while in Washington, DC - my Dad hated me more than ever and had no idea what I had gone through, much less what to do with me. He AND my younger brother would sit at the dinner table and call me " goddam faggot...". My Dad would frequently say; "All those damn queers should be rounded up, taken to a public square and shot!"

Predictably, at this point I was unsure about who I was; and I had been suddenly taken away from the only affection I had ever known. As I began to make friends in my new neighborhood and school; without even understanding what I was looking for, I began seeking that acceptance and affection from other boys my age, and a few who were several years older. None of this searching ever lead to sexual encounters; but as a 9 year old my best friend Owen and I became extremely close -- often going to his house after school (and if his mother ad sister weren't home) we progressed to embracing one another, kissing, undressing each other (we had to get out of our Catholic school uniforms, anyway), and even exploring each other's bodies with our hands. I felt so loved and so fulfilled with Owen...and then had to face the horrors of going home to my Dad for more verbal & physical abuse. It was very confusing.

Having that kind of satisfying physical and emotional intimacy with one of my peers stopped at the end of 5th grade when my Dad remarried and moved us across town. I still never consciously understood why I was so attracted to other boys...whether it was at SCOUT camp, in school, or neighborhood peers. I used to get the tar beat out of me almost everyday, because it seemed that other guys had a much better idea than I did of why I might be staring at them in a longing way. That continued through high school -- where my best friend, "Pap" (who was an All-State soccer & hockey player) convinced me to volunteer to become the student trainer / equipment manager for our soccer, basketball, and baseball teams. Pretty dangerous environment for a guy who's confused about why he's attracted to other guys -- being in a locker room with athletes taking showers.

I enlisted in the NAVY. After boot camp and basic Hospital Corps school, I was sent to Operating Room Technician school in Oakland, CA. I soon learned that there is a huge gay population in the military medical community -- far out numbering the "straight" people (at least in a place like Oakland - being just across the Bay Bridge from San Francisco). I quickly became best friends with an upperclassman who was from Boston. Scott was openly gay (as were at least half of the staff and students in the operating room); and he sort of took me under his wing...exposing me to things that I had never even imagined existed. My Dad had caused me to be so homophobic that I was even afraid to appreciate art - say looking at a sculpture like Michelangelo's "David" - but Scott's friendship showed me how to appreciate people for who they are instead of fearing or hating them because of unfair stereotypes. I have to admit that he did turn me on to smoking marijuana and some experimenting with other recreational chemicals; but never to the extent of dependence. We mostly had a lot of fun hanging out together.

In early 1981, while I was again working in the Operating Room at the NAVY hospital in Guam; a good friend of mine who I had partied with for years suddenly "found Jesus". I thought that Anita was just burned out from too much acid or cocaine; but unknown to me, she had asked members of her ladies Bible study group to pray for me. The leader, Jean (from Rhode Island), asked for prayer requests; so Anita asked them to pray that I'd come to an evangelistic outreach that they hosted once a month. Jean asked Anita; "Why don't we pray for Mike's salvation?" and Anita said; "Oh no, that would be way too much!". Fortunately for me, these gals (and a guys' Bible study group that Jean's husband Paul led) began to pray for my salvation. Jean's husband Paul befriended me - we often played racquetball, softball, basketball, etc. I got involved in his Bible study group - and in August of '81 the LORD really invaded my life. I was already in the habit of having a daily "quiet time", plus memorizing Scripture and witnessing -- but one morning while using "Our Daily Bread" as a devotional guide, I was confronted by the Holy Spirit. There was an example of someone asking Jesus into the "house" of their life (like in Revelation 3.20); but then trying to lock Him up in their front hall closet (not giving Him free reign over the whole house). I was challenged to be sure that I had actually received Christ as my Savior... so I made absolutely sure right then and there. I experienced the new life that unknowingly I'd always longed for - AND - I finally met the One who loved as I'd always needed to be loved. I threw myself into Bible study, prayer and got involved in as many ministries as the LORD, church, and Christian Serviceman's Center allowed me to participate in. I was incredibly blessed that the LORD had 2 very spiritually mature, loving "disciplers" take me under their wing and train me.

I NEVER AGAIN HAD ANY DESIRE FOR ANOTHER GUY! The LORD also instantly freed me from marijuana and other drugs.

In '84 I left Guam and the NAVY, to come to Columbia, SC to attend Columbia Bible College. Before I even enrolled, the LORD brought me together with the woman who would change my life forever - my Rosie! By October my Sweetie and I were engaged, and I decided to leave school and get a real job. We've been happily married for 22+ years now (despite countless struggles through my unemployment, depression, numerous moves literally all over the world, and my disabling Irritable Bowel Syndrome).

It was about 6-7 years ago (when Rosie, our son Nathan, and I were living in Guam) that I began recovering the memories of my grand-uncle's abusing me. Some of the results have been me beginning to get an understanding of my chronic depression, inability to trust people, my tendency to isolate myself, insomnia, self-esteem problems, why I've always been passive in relationships, & even why I've suffered from chronic severe Irritable Bowel Syndrome (clinically linked to CSA). I've also gained insight on the types of relationships that I tried to form.

Well, I'm just praising God for Him bringing me in contact with some many other wonderful Christian brothers here on the SURVIVORS website. We've suffered through similar experiences - and now the LORD has called us to a common ministry of encouragement and evangelization with others who've suffered as we have. We're empowered to "comfort others with the comfort which we ourselves have received from God".

"...for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him..."

"...rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep..."

"...for the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost..."

#175783 - 08/25/07 08:54 PM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!) [Re: SECfanMIKE]
buzz_key Offline

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
VERY COOL Mike. Awesome testimony man. It is only by God's grace that i, too, am here and starting to deal with the abuse.

I love hearing how God has changed the lives of others, it builds on my own experience. God literally freed me from cigarette smoking - started when I was 12, smoked at LEAST a packa nd a half a day until January 18, 2004 - 31+ years of smoking and I prayed that God would lift that deathly burden off of me. I got up that morning, and there was a "knowing" in me that it was done. I had no desire to have a cigarette and have not since that day.

God is truly the Master of the Universe and His love and glory is spectacular.

I thank Him every day for all of my brothers here at MS, Christian and non, alike.

#175796 - 08/25/07 09:35 PM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!) [Re: buzz_key]
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Hey guys, glad to hear about your Victories over the evil one. It still amazes me that he hates us so much. I understand why he was cast out because my own pride almost had me "out" but thanks to Jesus and his saving grace I am free.

I had been addicted to porn for most of my life, no more and it is like you said I just knew it was over. I could not do it own my own as much as I tried, rationalization, discipline, etc. nothing seemed to work but he stopped it cold.

He is alive and well, just take the hipe the world has put on him and all the negative things people have put in your head and let him have your life.

God Bless,

Edited by John Oarc (08/25/07 09:35 PM)
Whatever It Takes, God

#175805 - 08/25/07 09:55 PM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!) [Re: John Oarc]
wojax Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/22/04
Posts: 171
Loc: Florida
Well done my friend...
I to question God about my salvation and I prayed
if you really saved me then show me Read John 15:3
That was my answer
Praise the Lord

Jer 7:23 ps 91:16

#175814 - 08/25/07 10:13 PM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!) [Re: wojax]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Well Done!!!
Praise the lord for your salvation!!!

I like your style of writing too! I'd say the Lord blessed you with an articulate mind and manner.

Proud to call you my Friend!


#176192 - 08/27/07 05:27 AM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LON [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Thanks for sharing your story with us. Your faith has clearly helped you so much already and I'm sure it will see you through the rest of the work that remains to be done.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#176203 - 08/27/07 07:06 AM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!) [Re: roadrunner]
pietie Offline

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa

Thank you for sharing. All I can say is God is good and that He does not let go even when we do!!

There are some really great people in here. Brothers we can walk a road with because of our experiences.

Not Perfect, just forgiven

#176225 - 08/27/07 11:52 AM Re: How the LORD brought me out of darkness...(LONG!!) [Re: pietie]
Army Offline

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 90
Loc: California

Thanks for your open and honest comments. The Lord has done a mighty work in you and will continue it until the day of His return. Only a loving God could change the outcome of the unwanted circumstances of your life as well as mine and the other guys here. Thank you for reminding us all of His work in our lives.



07 Peebbles WOR Alummni


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