Newest Members
cactus8, Neil Benesh, blazzeee, mmm coffee, Calibre09
13530 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Asmodeus (34), comeath3 (78), Poo (53), Roy (56), Skeeter (58), tazrad (46), Treehugger75 (42), waterworld (56)
Who's Online
2 registered (UniversalBeing, 1 invisible), 67 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,530 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,382 Topics
491,509 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#1758 - 07/31/06 02:36 AM Re: Self Worth!
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...

I have problems relating to boundaries because I was threatened with my life, so maybe this keeps me from feeling safe with men.

I know its stupid, and I should let them in, but what if I f*ck up some friendship!
You have to think of the years that I spent protecting my family from someone who is 'coming to kill them', and yes, I was only a ten yo who thought that adults were always right and truthful in their acts towards kids.

Then when I get to women, I wear the mask, and a woman sees through it, and says hey, whats wrong, and the inner me thinks, oh, forget it.

But I cannot guage inner feelings no more, and yet I thought I could.
I tend to think, OH, what are you going to do when you know I am a f*cked up man.

Will you still want to know me, or run away like all the others!
I am just sick of abuse controlling the whole of my life like being a leper.

Abuse caused me to put up masks in society to protect myself, but I think they may be coming down, I hope.

Its like this; if I meet a girl, where the f*ck do I start, and should I even tell her, but I vowed to always tell a girl who I am.

I cannot really understand how any girl would love me, especially if they know my real life,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#1759 - 07/31/06 03:11 AM Re: Self Worth!
surfdude Offline

Registered: 07/07/06
Posts: 95
Loc: Hawaii

I have so many things to be grateful for and had a few accomplishments yet I feel that it is not enough to overcome my CSA and my weird coping mechanisms. Sometimes I wonder if I am trying too hard to be a good person to make up for my awful bad side.

I have friends who don't know about my CSA issues and wonder is they would all disappear if they did. It adds to my loneliness.

I've told women I had relationships with about my CSA. Currently I don't have a relationship. My last real one ended a couple weeks after I told her. I too am hesistant to approach them thinking they can sense something wrong with me just as perps can sense vunerable little boys.

A big part of me wants a relationship but I too feel that it will never happen.

Lately though I have been reading posts here on the Friends and Family board. There are some really supportive women there. It gives me a little hope. My problem is that my head knows but my heart needs to catch up. I can know something intellectually but emotionally it doesn't sink in.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. Sorry you have these issues but it's comforting for me to know I am not the only one.


Page 2 of 2 < 1 2

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.