I have problems relating to boundaries because I was threatened with my life, so maybe this keeps me from feeling safe with men.
I know its stupid, and I should let them in, but what if I f*ck up some friendship!
You have to think of the years that I spent protecting my family from someone who is 'coming to kill them', and yes, I was only a ten yo who thought that adults were always right and truthful in their acts towards kids.
Then when I get to women, I wear the mask, and a woman sees through it, and says hey, whats wrong, and the inner me thinks, oh, forget it.
But I cannot guage inner feelings no more, and yet I thought I could.
I tend to think, OH, what are you going to do when you know I am a f*cked up man.
Will you still want to know me, or run away like all the others!
I am just sick of abuse controlling the whole of my life like being a leper.
Abuse caused me to put up masks in society to protect myself, but I think they may be coming down, I hope.
Its like this; if I meet a girl, where the f*ck do I start, and should I even tell her, but I vowed to always tell a girl who I am.
I cannot really understand how any girl would love me, especially if they know my real life,
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!