I think I understand the feeling you describe. I am very familiar with that "something inside me is damaged permanently" sort of generalized feeling.
I don't want to get carried away identifying with what you describe, but your post rang a big familiar bell in my head. I'll try to share my personal experience with this feeling and see if we are talking about the same sort of thing.
I used to feel like there was some kind of cruel power stronger than myself somewhere that made sure I was always sort of mysteriously broken or inadequate. Like fate had predetermined that I must be this way no matter what efforts I put forth to change it. Perhaps not that it was laughing
at my pain, but just sort of not really concerned with it, no matter how intense. My suffering just didn't matter.
I come from a different perspective than you since I am only attracted to males, but I think the general idea is the same. I used to feel the frustration and self-loathing you describe because I just didn't feel any sexual desire for women. Whenever other guys would make crude remarks about women's bodies or about the physical act of intercourse, I would always feel very deeply humiliated because I could not relate. The feelings of inadequacy were so overwhelming that putting them into perspective and accepting them was not possible. Occasionally, some guys would try to engage me in this kind of dialog, and I would just freeze up. As an adult now I realize that it is very likely that these guys were observing my reactions (or "restraint") and then experiencing feelings of regret, shame and embarrassment. On some level they must realize that they have been conditioned by insecurity (emulating other "alpha" males) to behave that way, and that saying such disrespectful things is a sign of their inability to rely on their own true feelings.
This general feeling of inadequacy carried over into my adult relationships with males as well.
The good news is, it's completely, absolutely, 100% reversible, not to mention, it's simply not true. The key to its undoing, is to tune in to that voice in your head that is you talking to you and sort of "coaching" your general mood. Sometimes it's difficult to tune in to the actual words and phrases because they seem to happen so quickly and automatically, but that doesn't really matter when you know why it says those things.
Once you can find that voice, you can monitor what it says. This voice is responsible for the feelings you describe. It has a tendency to replay painful remarks made by someone we once looked up to and respected, without us even realizing it. When the amount of hurtful and negative ideas this voice says to you becomes too great, we start having symptoms of deeper emotional suffering. We are overwhelmed with the task of trying to maintain a happy and confident lifestyle while at the same time a seemingly unidentifiable source of negative energy is poisoning our ability to make any kind of personal progress. Eventually the negativity becomes more than we can keep up with, and it is time to start dealing with that voice.
Rather than rambling on, I'll stop here to see if I am even making any sense. I hope I have understood you and that I am on the right track with you. If not, let me know and I'll stop now!