So...things are going ok. We talk, and talk, and talk. He says that if he had known what happened to him when it happened, if he had understood it, he'd have told me and probably would have pressed charges. Says he feels some sense of peace knowing that he didn't cheat. Still has serious guilt and shame issues for freezing and not doing something to stop it. I am supporting him the best I can, I can see the light now.
But, some things are getting worse, like his fear. Everyone is dangerous to him now. He's not the man he was even months ago (after it happened, but before he realized WHAT happened). He isn't outgoing or friendly like he used to be. He says that he's afraid to encourage anyone, he feels like he was targeted and wants to avoid that happening again. He truly believes (as does his Therapist) that part of the reason he "shut down" and did nothing was becuase of the way he was parented by his father. He is terrified that he will do something (or not do something) to our kids that will cause them to become victims. It's like now that he's dealing with what happened to him (finally) the fear is all consuming. He cries when I tell him about something one of the kids does (especially the older one, who reminds my H a lot of himself) and is increasingly afraid to make any decisions involving them. He just keeps talking about how he's going to prepare them so that NOTHING like this ever happens to them. Meanwhile, what he's doing is pulling away from them, and they are starting to notice.
I just keep telling him that we have to do the best we can as parents, and that we can't prepare them for/protect them from everything. I don't know how else to help him with his fear. Will it get better?