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#173212 - 08/14/07 04:00 PM He's so scared that it scares me
thewife Offline

Registered: 07/16/07
Posts: 40
So...things are going ok. We talk, and talk, and talk. He says that if he had known what happened to him when it happened, if he had understood it, he'd have told me and probably would have pressed charges. Says he feels some sense of peace knowing that he didn't cheat. Still has serious guilt and shame issues for freezing and not doing something to stop it. I am supporting him the best I can, I can see the light now. \:D

But, some things are getting worse, like his fear. Everyone is dangerous to him now. He's not the man he was even months ago (after it happened, but before he realized WHAT happened). He isn't outgoing or friendly like he used to be. He says that he's afraid to encourage anyone, he feels like he was targeted and wants to avoid that happening again. He truly believes (as does his Therapist) that part of the reason he "shut down" and did nothing was becuase of the way he was parented by his father. He is terrified that he will do something (or not do something) to our kids that will cause them to become victims. It's like now that he's dealing with what happened to him (finally) the fear is all consuming. He cries when I tell him about something one of the kids does (especially the older one, who reminds my H a lot of himself) and is increasingly afraid to make any decisions involving them. He just keeps talking about how he's going to prepare them so that NOTHING like this ever happens to them. Meanwhile, what he's doing is pulling away from them, and they are starting to notice.

I just keep telling him that we have to do the best we can as parents, and that we can't prepare them for/protect them from everything. I don't know how else to help him with his fear. Will it get better?

#173214 - 08/14/07 04:27 PM Re: He's so scared that it scares me [Re: thewife]
Aidanchase Offline

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 89
Loc: Vancouver, BC
This is some excellent news. I think hes very lucky to have you around him at this time. You have a lot of strength to be able to talk it through because its not only hard for survivors to go through this it can be hard for our supporters to.

As for the fear I expect it will get better as he continues to work through it no doubt about it.

Edited by Aidanchase (08/14/07 04:28 PM)

#173353 - 08/15/07 04:26 AM Re: He's so scared that it scares me [Re: Aidanchase]
Dewey2k Offline

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
I think he will get better in time assuming he continues working with his abuse issues. If he chooses not to continue working, then the fear and isolationist tendencies could worsen. Encourage him as much as possible to continue his healing.


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