I think you hit the nail on the head with both of your questions. If you used SI as a release for your anger, then you are bound to be looking for a release for your anger in other ways. However, I think it must be noted that there are other stimuli out there that can provoke anger, but I can relate to the possibility that getting angry over these little things is a result of bottled up anger that should be felt towards your mother. Last Sunday, a Subway employee let a little olive slice slip into a sub I ordered. I let it completely ruin my day. Today, someone took my last can of Diet Coke out of the refrigerator at work, and I had to muster all of my strength to keep from crying. Okay, so I finally made an appointment to see if I should be taking medication for depression (given my history of drug abuse, I really needed to be convinced of this), but I think the bottom line is the fact that I'm finally starting to feel anger, I'm directing it at the wrong source, and it is completely overwhelming me.
As much as I try, I just can't get myself to get mad at my mom. She groomed me to feel this way. I'm so afraid of hurting her, and even though I can logically work out why, the me inside isn't capable of grasping why that is so wrong.
You made a great post, Aidan. Thank you.
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.
What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.