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#172915 - 08/13/07 07:09 AM Please Please Please Help me
eyeslikeapisces Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 15
Loc: NC
I will preface this by saying, this is all going to sound irrational and I apologize for that but at this moment I am very on edge and if this needs to be moved to a different forum. I understand but this is my 1st post.

I am a gay male rape victim. I will summarize by saying I feel as if due to the fact that "the hospital" did not even perform a rape kit on me or call in a rape advocate when i went to the hospital and the police department never investigated within MONTHS, never minding the fact I degraded myself enough to vomit all over the room (where my assault took place) as well as leaving a contact lens, in which I THOUGHT would help or was told such things by the detectives such as "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN COME OUT OF A BAR AND THROW UP IN THIS CITY" and "THE MAN THAT DID THIS TO YOU IS VIOLENTLY SKITZOPHRENIC AND WILL COME AFTER YOU IF YOU PRESS CHARGES" (he also brutally beat a young male this time last year that got so scared he flew back to his home country of Hondorus, if a man is defined as violently skitzophrenic and has beat someone before and now has a rape accusation what does it take to get them off the street?).....scare tactics.....The DA is NOT going to pursue my case and no attorneys will touch it due to a lack of evidence which IF A RAPE KIT HAD BEEN DONE AND THE POLICE WOULD HAVE INVESTIGATED THERE WOULD BE! If I have reached the end of my legal attempts of seeking justice which it seems I have, I am ready to fight tooth and nail to make sure this never happens to someone again as far as hospital/police investigations go and to bring same sex rape and sexual assault to the forefront, there are NO resources for people like me, and I want to become a voice, as I type this, I am seeing red!!! I now face a life sentence after what happened to me and it seems as if NOBODY cared or is going to...I will include the following essay I wrote about my incident and maybe you can look at my writing ability and see I can indeed lend my voice to this cause and that I am against a wall in trying to find outlets as far as the media goes, so I need opportunities. If I don't become proactive in this stance, I am going to self destruct. The amn who did this to me has also stalked me, he has made complete U turns at redlights to follow my car inwhich I had to run off the road to hide from, as well as seeing me in various places in public and blocking the doorways so I cannot leave without confrontation, I honestly FEEL AS IF I AM LIVING TO DIE, I FEEL LIKE HE IS GOING TO KILL ME AND NOBODY IS HELPING, I HAVE EVEN TOLD EVERYONE FROM POLICE OFFICERS ON DOWN THAT HE HAS BEEN DOING THIS AND THEY JUST DO NOT CARE! I know this sounds irratic but, I am just so lost at the moment I am writing this...

Below is a bit of my story that is more, rational...

I encountered my assailant the day before the sexual assault occurred. I was at a nightclub, when an individual approached me and asked to take pictures. I found the request odd, but obliged after having a few close friends join me. Flash forward to the next night, I encounter the assailant again, this time he looked dramatically different in appearance, I found this aspect odd but when the individual offered to buy me two alcoholic beverages, I reluctantly accepted. After consuming the second beverage my memory becomes hazy. I only have what I describe as "flash memories" of what occurred. I was taken away from the club and the actual sexual assault occurred at a different location. The assailant then brought me back to the original location and left me in the parking lot once it was over.

Immediately after my assault I felt violated, ashamed and dirty. As the days progressed I also began to feel attacked on a more personal level. Select members of society made me to feel inadequate, irresponsible and at the deepest level, inhuman. Being male did not exclude me from enduring the accusations of responsibility based on, where I was, what I was wearing and even my use of pre>
my story @

#172924 - 08/13/07 11:15 AM Re: Please Please Please Help me [Re: eyeslikeapisces]
Danbuff Offline

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Sorry this happened and your requests for help have gone pretty much unaddressed. Have you contacted an attorney to at least talk with? Have you filed a restraining order or order of protection? Have you notified the bars you go to? I would suggest documenting as much detail you can with names dates locations, who was nearby, witnesses from every incident prior to the rape...people who may have seen other incidents. Get copies of the police reports and hospital records to give evidence of what not was done. Look into rape victims advocacy groups and get a therapist. Call your local crisis hotline which may be an excellent resource for linking you to services you do not know about. Try to keep venting or reading postings here. We can support you in certain ways by affirming you.

I am not sure how much you can do with some of my suggestions, but some is possible. Beyond this, I cannot offer more at this time, but this is what I have thought of. Hang in there as best you can. We are all here for you.


When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

#172979 - 08/13/07 04:03 PM Re: Please Please Please Help me [Re: Danbuff]
gay30something Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 26
Loc: New England, USA
Have you sought couseling? Perhaps a counselor who is gay friendly, and more sensitive to these issues.

Depending on what state you live in, the difficulties you suffered may not be that unusual.

Many local police agencies have no understanding of dealing with gay issues, and prejudice is strong, especially in less gay friendly areas.

I know in the state I live in here in the northeast, they did have some programs where the police were educated about gays, etc.
But in states that have no legal protections for gays, the attitude may be that you are not on the same standing as a heterosexual victim.

Don't let this discourage you from pursuing counseling and other help!

But also, clearly the macho, anti-male victim applies too. I'm very saddened and shocked by the lack of medical response.

Blood tests, sound like they may have been checking for substance use?
Sometimes, hospitals use substance use issues as a catch all, to get funding, to catagorize, and sometimes dismiss other issues that they don't feel competent dealing with.

Have you had an HIV test? You should be checked for that too.

Either way, I agree: Lawyer If none will talk to you, try to find a legal aide agency in your state.

But also a counselor should be helpful. If one doesn't seem sensitive enough, find another. You may be able to find counseling services available in your local community on a sliding pay scale based on income, if you don't have access to health insurance, etc.

Very very sorry to read this.

I'm new here too, and I'm NOT an expert, btw, and these are only my opinions. But it sounds like the more you talk, with someone who understands, the better you will be able to cope.

Also, try calling agencies that deal with gay male health issues, even if there aren't any in your area, try calling 800 numbers in other areas. They may have ideas too.

Edited by gay30something (08/13/07 04:07 PM)

#173164 - 08/14/07 10:03 AM Re: Please Please Please Help me [Re: gay30something]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I'm glad you found Male Survivor but I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Even worse is the fact that you have received so little serious attention and support.

I'm not gay so I'm sure I don't know the issues as well as you do, but it sure sounds to me like you are being treated with disrespect and poor consideration. It's almost like they are telling you, "Well, if you don't want this to happen why are you gay?"

I don't know what's possible in your area, but I would look into the possibility of seeking legal redress. Also, is there a rape crisis hotline in your area? Many of these hotlines are now staffed by people trained to talk to men as well as women.

I hope you can get some help with all this. The way you have been treated so far is just outrageous.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#173192 - 08/14/07 01:40 PM Re: Please Please Please Help me [Re: roadrunner]
cbfull Offline

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I can't imagine how horrible that must make you feel! I think the hospital might have to rely entirely on you to inform them that you believe you have been drugged and raped.

You are in no way, shape or form responsible for something like that and it makes no difference how gay, how naive, or any other negative self image related excuse we can think of to justify negligence.

I don't know you at all but I don't think you want to try to sweep this under the rug.

I do not want to upset you more than you already are or create more pressure for you, this does not sound like an easy thing to deal with. If my post upsets you I most certainly apologize, but as a gay man, your story has made me a bit angry.

I look at it this way. If this goes unreported, he gets away with it, and it is likely that he is going to do it to someone else, you can bet on that.


Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.


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