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#173012 - 08/13/07 05:50 PM My boss today...
MemoryVault Offline

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Today at lunch, my boss noticed I was drinking an "energizer" drink, one of those caffeine things.

She asked, "Why do you need that? You're always full of energy."

I said, "Really? I feel like I've been dragging around."

She said, "No, you always seem up. In fact, you seem happy all the time. Nothing gets to you. Nothing gets you down."

Catching my "huh???" look, she backed up, "At least you always seem that way."

So what do I say? "No, actually I'm falling apart?"
(Sigh)I've worked with her for six years. If she doesn't see through me, nobody does. There's nothing lonelier than knowing that your act works!

I wish I weren't so good at it.

#173018 - 08/13/07 06:56 PM Re: My boss today... [Re: MemoryVault]
Lantern Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 55
Loc: UK
I hear you; sometimes people see another side of me (I always withdraw when I can't cope), but they think "Oh it's just him".

It's a difficult one because sometimes you need to be able to put stuff away but I do it far far far too much. Soundes like you do it with your boss, too.

Being good at deception is a skill and I'm exceptional at it.

It's not what you've lost, but it's what you've found

#173025 - 08/13/07 07:31 PM Re: My boss today... [Re: Lantern]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I hear you! I was great at that for years, but eventually it does begin to unravel. I can tell you where my skills came from too. When I went home after time with the abuser I had to pretend everything was all hunky-dory; nothing was more important to me than making sure no one knew.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#173307 - 08/15/07 01:06 AM Re: My boss today... [Re: roadrunner]
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
When I first told 3 of my friends a couple of years before I told the police (2002 friends/2004 police). One of my friends said afterwards (couple of weeks) that he remembered when we first met when starting a new job for a large electronics company (1991), that they just thought I was a daft kid (they played Van Halen type music during the induction & I was at the front 'enjoying' the music). What they/I didn't realise in 1991, was that I was between 10 and 12 years older than them, where they thought I was about their age or younger. I was 34, they were between 22/24. It was just that I didn't seem like someone of my calendar age. When I told them about the abuse in 2002, they just said everything seemed to fit into place!

Maybe your boss is thinking somethings up, maybe she'd be ok to tell!? My friends are still around, though I've tried my best to put them off!

Best wishes ...Rik

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#173364 - 08/15/07 08:30 AM Re: My boss today... [Re: RICK57]
peer345 Offline

Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 35
Loc: australia
I remember at work finally telling someone that I had had a hard time over the last five years because of my memories of CSA. they looked at me with disbelief and then said they hadn't noticed anything was bothering me at all, that i seemed totally on top of everything and that was that. I realised then that no one was really that interested. What did interest people (somewhat and I am sure was the subject of some speculation) was why I hadn't had a relationship and didn't seem interested in having one, whether this meant I was gay or not, and then, when I did get involved in a relationship who was this person that had finally hooked the apparently asexual me. Go figure!

Up until this relationship I had been so felt like a minute to minute proposition, I was always on the verge of breaking down but somehow didn't. It was clearly so buried to the average eye or maybe it was that I gave the signal don't talk about this to me. I felt so invisible.

"Our life's work is to use what we have been given to wake up." Pema Chodron

#173430 - 08/15/07 04:40 PM Re: My boss today... [Re: peer345]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
My boss and I work very closely together... I work for her because we maintained a friendship first... When I started recovery, I had some very tough days... and somehow she had this 'sixth sense' about when I was dealing with something heavy, and she kept asking "Is everything OK in your life?" with this deep concern in her voice.

I neglected to tell her anything and passed it off as 'everything's fine'... but as the months drew on I ended up writing her an email letting her know what's going on. I'm going to post her reply here because I want to prove that not all bosses are evil \:\) Some are really quite understanding.

Originally Posted By: My Boss
To let you know where I stand, I think of you as more than an employee and the fact that you work for me is secondary to how I look at our relationship. We were friends first, in somewhat of a strange way, but I truly want what is best for you personally and not what is financially right for the company. So I can not stress enough that your well being is more important then our work relationship. I, like you, realize that we do work together so yes there is that issue of boundaries that you speak about, but the boundaries are only what we or you want them to be. I'm not at all going to pry or push you to disclose anything, but I'm no idiot and can sense when you are not doing fantastic. I'm very glad that your work life is well suited to your life and I would like to continue along that path and create an environment that benefits your life, not hinders it. I enjoy working with you, I enjoy talking with you and I will make effort to accommodate what you or your family needs.

If there is anything I can ever do, please know that if you think I can do it, I will. Taking time off is not a inconvenience, I believe it is the balance of our life. [...]

Anyways, all the best


#173456 - 08/15/07 05:53 PM Re: My boss today... [Re: frost]
MemoryVault Offline

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow. Thanks for the great responses. I can't imagine disclosing at work--maybe part of me likes having my "office personality" who's always OK. But then, maybe I need to learn to allow more of my humanity to peek through...I'm not such a bad person that I have to hide all the time, dammit! Just afraid I'll turn to mush or something, or everyone will dismiss me if I'm not always efficient and helpful.


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