Hi, CB...I am glad you posted as it must be overwhelming to manage all of that, and at least venting is a way to unload a little bit. That is such a bonus about the DB.
I'm sorry but what is the DB?
It used to be so overwhelming until I went on SSRIs. I am realizing from another post I just read that I shouldn't be too hard on myself for being on an SSRI, like if I am cheating myself out of reality. There is a history of depression in my family, no doubt about it, mostly on my mother's side, and also the mental illness on my dad's side. I don't know much about my dad's side of the family, other than the fact that they reproduce like rabbits. Seriously, they have like at least 7 per family, and they start fairly young. Some cousins are old enough to be aunts.
I have brought up the possibility about my becoming psychotic with several counsellors, and they have all basically told me that it is a ridiculous fear for me. They say I show absolutely none of the signs.
One thing that comforts me is that one T told me that a person with schizophrenia does not generally understand what he/she has. I asked my father one time if he knew what was wrong with him. He remembered what the doctor called it, but he had no idea what he was describing. He said, "I don't know what in the hell that doctor was talking about." I can see a clear distinction there that excludes me from the "at risk" category, but I guess the fear that still lingers was planted by my mother when I was younger and asking her what was going on with dad. She told me that stress did this to him. The stress at his job was too much and his mind snapped. I immediately believed that stress could do this to anyone, so I made a vow to avoid stress. I never could have imagined how hard that remark would work against me.
I suppose I would need to be convinced that depression and anxiety are not going to one day cause me to "snap" and suddenly I have schizophrenia. I guess it sounds kinda silly or ridiculous but the fear still lingers in the back of my mind.