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#169099 - 07/26/07 01:00 PM Therapy Advice - just starting
Wife Supporter Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 23
Loc: UK

I'm looking for some advice regarding my husbands therapy for CSA, I will give a quick background.

My husband was abused during childhood on many occasions by a family member (outside the home), I have known about this since first meeting him (15 years) but nobody else knows and he never told anybody as a child. I don't know any more detail than this and he has never spoken to me regarding the abuse.

We have had a rough time with many many lows and lots of "bad luck", until recently he refused to accept that many of the issues that we/he has have any connection to his/our life.

At the begining of this year he was particularly low, and began to accept that he may have depression problems then after a bad row he cracked and said that he had been experiencing suicidal thoughts for the previous couple of years, this was the last straw for me and I insisted that for the sake of himself, me and our children that he must visit the doctor and start to get help.

The doctor prescribed anti-depresants and refered him to the local mental health unit. Husband told the mental health nurse his history (no details) and she refered him for a course of counselling.

His therapist has seen him once a month and felt that he needed more specialist help so told him to contact Rapeline regarding getting counselling.

They couldn't help but refered him to a local charity and he is now on the waiting list of this organisation for counselling.

Sorry Im going on a bit but there is so much to say, I would like advice on the process for recovery and reassurance that he is on the right track or not, I have the following issues:-

My gut feeling is that the mental health worker who sees him once a month (although very nice) is just checking that he is not suicidal and is not helping him progress.

Im worried that the charity which he is waiting for counselling with will not be experienced enough ( sorry if this offends but I have been at the raw end of well meaning volunteers before) , I asked and they have all completed a couselling course but is this enough. They are attached to the local NHS Mental Health unit so I assume this would lend some credance.

The charity recommended the book breaking free and its workbook, he brought it and has begun to work through, is this something people would recommend him doing without having sorted out the professional help first.

We have no money to go to a private therapist.

We are in the UK.

Thanks for any advice, my mind is just buzzing with worry, after all these years of hoping he would reach this point Im now so concerned that it will go wrong.

Best Regards


#169642 - 07/29/07 06:00 PM Re: Therapy Advice - just starting [Re: Wife Supporter]
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Hi S,

Welcome to MS. The friends and family are very supportive here and I hope they will all jump in soon.

You are probably correct that the person seeing him once a month is mostly there to just monitor his general health and state of mind, but this is important too especially if he is starting medication-- after all, the social worker or therapist who is trained in sexual abuse issues may not be qualified to assess his progress on the meds.

There are good and bad professionals out there and good and bad volunteers-- the survivors and friends and family here are all volunteering and sharing just from their personal experiences but I believe there is a lot of good that can be found here.

There is no real "schedule" or list of steps for someone to recover but it's been my experience that once people start speaking up about the feelings they've been keeping quiet, the ball is rolling and you can't really go back to the way things were before. Sometimes the changes and the ups and downs can be intense but at least for my partner and I, it's been worth it.


#169654 - 07/29/07 08:44 PM Re: Therapy Advice - just starting [Re: SAR]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
Hello Wife Supporter,

Welcome to our site. I'm not real familiar with the healthcare system in the UK, but It sounds to me like the various agencies your husband has seen are attempting to get him in contact with appropriate counselors. They seem to have admitted freely that they are not equipped to deal with his case and are referring him on. Hopefully he will find the therapist that is a good match for his needs.

Because many therapists and counselors are not educated or equipped to deal with men who were abused as children, you should attempt to seek a counselor that is. That may be a bit of a task, but don't despair. There is someone out there who can do what he needs.

Keep reading here and asking questions.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#169767 - 07/30/07 12:26 PM Re: Therapy Advice - just starting [Re: WalkingSouth]
Wife Supporter Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 23
Loc: UK
Thx SAR & John it's appreciated,

I'm sure many on this board have been in a similar position.

I think what put me off his therapist is that she recommended he needed specialist help and told him to ring rapeline, he asked me to call for him because he didn't want to and when I rang they couldn't help and gave me another number, I kept calling different organizations and explaining again and eventually I was given the number of a place which will counsell men, I just thought it was unprofessional because I know he wouldn't have done that and I thought the original professional ( employed by NHS) should have been able to give him a number to call who could help him.

I get what you are saying about volunteers, I do recognise that the majority of volunteers would be experienced and compssionate people, just that I had a bad experience a few years back and it makes me nervous.

It's a learning curve I guess,

Thx S


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