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#166620 - 07/14/07 07:44 AM relationships bring up crap.
Nate Offline

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 100
Loc: USA
is it just me or does being in a relationship... or the potential of being in a relationship bring up insecurities which are linked to sexual abuse/rape?

i feel fine until i start liking someone - then i realize how scared i am that i'm going to be taken advantage of again --- i clam up... i distance myself... i hide behind a wall. i'm scared of love - but then at the same time i love the attention b/c in many regards i feel starved for love.

is this normal? am i crazy? UGH! would live truly be better single... or is it just that i've been keeping every1 at a distance my entire life that i'm freaking out b/c i don't know how to respond to love.

i dunno...

"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

#166647 - 07/14/07 02:08 PM Re: relationships bring up crap. [Re: Nate]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA

Your feelings are perfectly understandable. No it is not 'normal' but it doesn't make you crazy either. Love is good, sex is good, but you're a victim of misconceptions forced on you against your will and CERTAINLY not in your best interests.

I often have the same problems, even at my age (my last abuse took place when I was 11, 37 years ago.) I wish I had gotten help when I was young, like you. You've been making good choices so far, and I'm glad to see you here, talking about all of this.

See my other reply, this forum.

Good luck buddy! Hang in there...


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

#166650 - 07/14/07 02:20 PM Re: relationships bring up crap. [Re: Lazarus]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

You might want to look back and recall what kind of ideas about sex abuse left you with. In my case, for example, five years of abuse left me thinking that sex is when two people get together to get off, and one enjoys himself while the other one gets used and trashed. Imagine how that subtext, if you like, affected me later as I tried to relate to potential sexual partners or explore relationships.

For a survivor I'm not surprised at all that you see things the way you do. You're not crazy; you've been catastrophically hurt and in your case it's not been so long ago as for so many of the rest of us. That is, it's a relatively fresh wound and of course it hurts like one.

If you can get it organized, the way through this is professional therapy. A good T who knows male CSA issues will be a godsend for you and help you through all the complications and confusion with as little new pain and trauma as possible.

It can be done, bro, and you're not alone.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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