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#165274 - 07/07/07 11:40 PM Are you being nice?
Marinan Offline

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 330
I"ve wondered about how nice I am being treated. So, I can't help but feel here that MaleSurvivors are only treating me nice, and know I'm stupid or something.

#165290 - 07/08/07 12:53 AM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: Marinan]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

That's an absolutely common feeling among survivors and it's good you ask about it. If you think back to when you were a boy you may well see that you had a lot of self-esteem problems and didn't think you were worth much. Abuse does that to us: we think it was all our fault and that we deserved what we got. We also develop problems trusting people and wonder "what does he really want?"

On a site like this those two problems can come together and make a guy wonder, "Okay, what's really going on here? Why is everyone treating me so well?" I can't say you will never ever be treated badly here, but if that happens just tell a moderator right away. This really is a great community and a safe place where we can begin to undo all those false lessons from our past.

You are treated well here because that's what you deserve.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#165365 - 07/08/07 12:13 PM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: roadrunner]
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Larry really said it like it is. How about allowing yourself to consider the possibility that we really do care about you as well as each other just because you are you? It has nothing to do with your being stupid or anything else.

Hopefully, you will continue to reach out and test us and eventually learn that what your seeing and feeling here is for real, something we all have done or need to do to in our recovery.

The best,


#165386 - 07/08/07 04:30 PM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: Barney]
ecb Offline

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I tend to feel like that anytime someone is treating me well, in spite of who they are.

We are treating you nicely, because we understand at lot of your difficulties here.


#165407 - 07/08/07 07:17 PM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: ecb]
KeithR Offline

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
You aren't stupid that's for sure. You've already said a couple of things to me that have helped me see things a little differently. You've been a help to me. You're a smart person.

I welcome you again to the site.

Oh yeah.... and you DO deserve to be treated nice.


#165408 - 07/08/07 07:21 PM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: KeithR]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
^ ^ What he said ^ ^


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#388469 - 03/06/12 07:01 AM . [Re: Marinan]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/13/13 04:22 AM)

#388483 - 03/06/12 08:09 AM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: Life's A Dream]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4287
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
LAD - Don't leave unless you really need to.

I appreciate your contibutions - really - not just being nice or lying - though i'be been told i'm pretty good at both. wonder if you can do both at the same time? LOL

Seriously - don't worry about anyone else but you right now.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#388625 - 03/07/12 06:21 PM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: traveler]
Asmodeus Offline

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
Wondering why someone is being nice to me is why most of my friends were friends with my sister before I met them. Then it took at least another year before I quit thinking of them as just her friends. It's only happened twice, but my mind has been blown away each time I found out that I had been friends with one of our friends longer than she has. She even has one friend I was in a class with in school, but even after looking through year books I can't remember meeting him until I saw him with her.

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

#388628 - 03/07/12 06:42 PM Re: Are you being nice? [Re: Asmodeus]
ACRoberts Offline

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 242
Loc: New Jersey (recently moved fro...
Your statement sounds like I feel most of the time. I think people are just patronizing me. I guess some are, but I even feel it when I am with the members of my survivor group. I think it is some conditioning that put me in my place for my uncle to continue his abusive behavior toward me.
I agree with Lee, focus on what YOU need and try to tune out the messages playing in the back of your mind that tell you that people are just humoring you.
We are all in this together!

WOR Sequoia 2011--it has changed my life!


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