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#363961 - 06/10/11 07:14 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: 1islandboy]
Drop Offline

Registered: 04/16/11
Posts: 121
I didn't know there were secret doors
I didn't know I could stop it
I didn't know for a long time that it wasn't normal
I didn't know it was not my fault
I didn't know I didnt deserve this
I didn't know I could have told other adults about it
I didn't know most adults aren't like my parents and co
I didn't know it shouldn't have been my job to protect my brother
I didn't know how to be a child, and just that, a child
I didn't know it wasn't something I have to be ashamed off
I didn't know it was wrong and illegal
I didn't know I wasn't protecting us by keeping quiet
I didn't know it would mess me up this much later in life

Broken eyed and shutdown
Running down the road
Send me straight to hell
Watch me burn, watch me burn

#363997 - 06/11/11 05:35 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Drop]
h.beat,h.break Offline

Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
Wow. I stumbled upon this topic. Surprised that it was started in 95'. I was still a pre-teen then smile

I didn't know what was going on.
I didn't know how to feel.
I didn't know how to react.
I didn't know who to tell.
I didn't know that it wasn't normal.
I didn't know I would be blamed for it.
I didn't know he would he would punish me for it.
I didn't know I could be filled with intense hatred for him.
I didn't know it had happened to others.
I didn't know that it could have been prevented.
I didn't know it was abuse.

The abuse was a cycle in my family. None of the "adults" did anything about it. They were ashamed and the cycle continued. Pride before the fall.

Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

#366705 - 07/27/11 05:37 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: shadowkid]
Tyler845 Offline

Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I did'nt know, I was just an object for their pleasure.
I did'nt know, I could refuse if i had wanted.
I did'nt know, everything would be different because of this.
I did'nt know, they never truly loved me,
I did'nt know, how far gone they must've truly been.
I did'nt know, how strong i was, until I faced my darkest demon.
I did'nt know, I was'nt the only one,
I did'nt know, I deserved more than they could ever give.
Thanks guys.
Love n peace.
Most of all, Respect.

Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

#366758 - 07/27/11 10:50 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
thanks larry, this was a good thing.

i didnt know what grooming was

didnt know what was to come

didnt know that i needed a surrogate father

didnt know that i was a toy

didnt know that it wasnt love

didnt know what real love was

didnt know that my innocence would be lost

didnt know what innocence was

didnt know what i would miss

didnt know that it would affect me forever

didnt know all good 'feelings'

didnt know that it would prevent me from having a healthy sexual outlook and life

didnt know that it would eventually cause pain, shame and guilt

didnt know that i would be a pawn in many peoples sick games

didnt know didnt know didnt know didnt fucking know a lot of shit it would cause and prevent and do to me

now i 'know'

peace to us all, hard won and little by little, i love you guys!


If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

#395359 - 04/29/12 02:18 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
Human Offline

Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 67
Loc: private
Dittto to all of the above!

I didnt know I could and should have told my hungover mother more than once (wish it had been when she had sobered up) and/or an older sibling/father what had happened the first time.

#395375 - 04/29/12 03:05 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Human]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2957
I didn't know that because I had a sexual response it didn't mean I was giving my permission.

I didn't know that when I started by saying "no", then got quiet, that it didn't mean I was saying "yes".

I didn't know - as strange as it may seem even at 13 - that it was sex.

And I didn't know that such a wonderful thread existed. Thanks, Roadrunner!

#395377 - 04/29/12 03:09 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

Missing you Liri (page 9). I wish I knew what would save you...

Edited by Robbie Brown (04/29/12 03:09 AM)

#395413 - 04/29/12 06:51 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Still]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3866
Loc: South-East Europe
I didn't know Liri but found that his birthday was yesterday, very sad story frown , here is comment by his cousin starving.soul at the atbottom of the page:
My story

#395461 - 04/29/12 03:45 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5972
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
I didn't know:
-my brothers and sisters could care so little
-my sister would sexually abuse me
-my parents could hit so hard, and bruise my heart so completely
-I could feel so utterly destroyed
-I could trade my eternal soul for a kind word
-the connection I craved was almost extinct
-abusers do not stop until they want to
-my parents would love my abuser more than me
-I would forget the good times I had as a child, a young adult, and through my adult life. That I would sacrifice my memory of all good things to make sure I would never be abused again.
-this would hurt so much after all this time... and recovery

-that I would find such fierce compassion and loyalty as I have found here with MaleSurvivor, men and woman who would show me how important I was to them, and eventually to me.
-that I could enjoy life, work, family and spirituality
-that I would giggle, yes giggle in my safe places,
-that I could laugh at myself
-that I could be better for my children than I was treated as a child.

Thank you, thank you so much for this post, these replies, and your beautiful hearts. All of your beautiful thoughts, fears and courage are in me, I am with you.

MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#395509 - 04/29/12 11:18 PM . [Re: roadrunner]
Life's A Dream Offline

Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island

Edited by Life's A Dream (01/13/13 03:46 AM)

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