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#16238 - 10/28/02 12:45 PM Frustrated
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I am still hearing my perps name in my head.
Like a kid reaching out to him, I want to write or call. "T" says that is not good, anyone here want to help me let me know, I need to talk to someone. Private message me please. I wish one of you guys was close enough for a hug.

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#16239 - 10/28/02 01:21 PM Re: Frustrated
New to this Offline

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 138
Loc: Mississippi

"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon

#16240 - 10/28/02 05:53 PM Re: Frustrated
JamesMichael Offline

Registered: 07/24/02
Posts: 134

Read Ken Singer's article on this site re confronting one's perp. It's good, and I think it'll help ground you.


It's hard when the waters get rough. Keep your hands on the rudder. Steer clear of rocks. Your therapist may rightly think the perp is the rocks. You can't aford to sink. Sail past the rocks.

#16241 - 10/29/02 05:19 PM Re: Frustrated
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

Affirming JM, I've read Ken's article and it is very good.

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules on this. It depends on the survivor, the perp, and the situations of the past & in the present.

For me a non-physical but very real confrontation with my mother (Perp #1) with my T in the safety of his office was all I needed or wanted. I can't even imagine ever seeing or in any way communicating with my mother ever again.

I tried reconciliation a few years ago, before I remembered the abuse (there were lots of other issues, tho, which I now know were related). Even then it just didn't work. Now I know why.

As I said we're all different. Just be cautious & slow about this. What is gained by contacting your perp? What could be lost? Maybe your T has a good point--same point my T gave me.

Take care of yourself MJ.


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck


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