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#1609 - 06/09/05 11:59 AM Trigger
VN Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Please to help me. I very much long, I feel some scared. It resembles the world, than it is, I think, that I know, what everything, it is excellent. I am happy, very much, my sister - here. But I see her, she is more senior from me, even that I defend its our father of a house when we are younger. But always, she was in a room when our mother will enter to my bed. She is more senior from me. Rejza, she is not silly. She should known what happen, that my mother does. My mother, she ignores Rejza, always. Always, I - 'special'. I overlook to think, that it is bad, or wrong. It - happen so before I remember it to not happen. I remember it to be ill, in a bed when I am to ill, with a fever, and my mum, she does not enter there to help me to feel better, she wants, that I have made a sex with it. I want to ask my sister, unless you do not know it? Unless you do not think, what it is strange? Unless I do not cry loudly enough when we are children after she will rise from bed? I do not cry after while. It - not item. My father hates me. That I clean its my mother. I think, that I hate it also. It tries very much to kill me once. I think sometime, probably I shall tell that, force it enter prison. But already, it is the life - prison. I do not know what to tell. I want to cry right now, and it feels strange for me. It should not feel it. I should not feel it. I am adult now. It is a lunatic. It it how it should feel? It is poorly familiar to feel this way. I regret again for the translator. Is almost 3 morning here. There is no who - that still to write for me.


#1610 - 06/09/05 06:50 PM Re: Trigger
FLRich Offline

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404

Don't think that because you are a grown adult now that you shouldn't cry or that you shouldn't still be upset about your abuse. That is bullshit! You should be very upset! The things that happened to you were wrong! The sexual abuse from your Mom, the physical abuse from your father, it was all wrong! You should feel upset over this for the rest of your life! The good thing is that you are trying to deal with this now. You are realizing that YOU were not wrong, what was done to you was wrong! The people who were supposed to love and care for you were wrong!
You were not and are not wrong, V. Know that! Eventually you will come to realize this. I am beginning to realize it for myself. It takes time, but then I waited much longer to deal with it than you have. You are a wise young man to face these demons now, so that you can get on with your life.

Will you ever one day forget the abuse? No, but you will know that you were abused. You will know and accept that it was NOT your fault. You will know that the bad choices you made in the past were directly linked to the bad things that happened to you. You were not responsible for those choices. You were doing what you knew how to do in order to survive. Once you know these things, you can move on in life, realizing what at good guy you really are. I know you are a good guy! You have friends that know what a good guy you are. They tell me this all the time. V, you are good! Bad things have happened to a lot of good people here, but we are good! Know this!!

Talk to your sister if it will make you feel better. Tell her how you feel. She loves you, V, or she wouldn't be here now. In the USA we use the term "dysfunctional family" a lot. A lot of us come from dysfunctional families. There are many reasons families are dysfunctional; abuse, neglect, secrets, handicaps, etc. The biggest reason is lack of communication. You don't have a lot of control over the other factors, but you do have control over communication. Communicate with your sister. Allow her to communicate with you. A lot of bad things go on in families, and the individuals in these families are made to feel that they cannot say anything about these things. Talk to each other. Talk about these things. Talk only about what you feel comfortable saying, but talk!

Again, never feel inferior because you cry and are bothered by your abuse. Age has nothing to do with it. Yes, grown men can and do cry, V. It is OK to cry. It is OK to feel. I still get upset over my abuse and I am 48 yrs old! I can control it better now. You will be able to control it better too, V. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't cry about the injustices that were done to you. At what age are we so "adult" that we can no longer feel? I hope I never get to that age, because to not be able to feel, is to not be able to live life. There is nothing more precious than life. VN, your life is precious! Trust me. Trust your friends.

#1611 - 06/09/05 09:27 PM Re: Trigger
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
VN. It is ok to cry and to ask for help from your friends. You have been through much. You were denied the parents that you should have had. Your childhood was a mess. Yet here you are. That means that you are strong as a man. Crying does not make you weak. Crying is a way to express the pain that you have suffered.

Do not worry about the translation you make perfect sense to me. I agree with everything that Rich has said.



#1612 - 06/10/05 04:10 AM Re: Trigger
dan_in_newengland Offline

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
VN, I am a friend of AK's
I am glad to see you post, and I understand the translation. You dont need to ask your sister now, spend some time reading the board, and you will feel better. When you feel better, you can ask your sister. I promise you this, in time it will get better.



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