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#159938 - 06/05/07 08:40 AM have seen the perp
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 100
Loc: USA
i've seen one of my perps several times these last two months. (I was sexually abused at age 7, and then raped by a friend last March).

it's been weird seeing him. I work in the mall. its a small city so it seems everything is connected. in fact friends of his have started working w/ me or there seems to be some connection...friends or friends..etc.

i've been tryintg my best to ignore it all..but the truth is - it is scary and it pisses me off. how dare he betray my trust and friendship? how dare he more so even come into my presense. the other day i felt he was testing me. he came w/ a friend into the fitting rooms where i was working. she tried on stuff...but didn't buy anything.

guess its been hard. has brought up lots of anger i didn't know was still in me.

i'm going to bed.

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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#159950 - 06/05/07 11:40 AM Re: have seen the perp [Re: Nate]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Nate,

Thats good let out the anger. You have a right to be mad. In a small city like I was raised, I bump into my perps, thats why I have decided to move. Maybe not the best strategie...but it works for me.

Don't ingore your feelings, work with them.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#160070 - 06/05/07 11:14 PM Re: have seen the perp [Re: pain4ever]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nate,

I totally agree with Brian's comment. Own those feelings and let them express themselves. That will give you the basis for dealing with things.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#160268 - 06/06/07 07:25 PM Re: have seen the perp [Re: roadrunner]
Patrick63 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 26
Loc: Knoxville, Tennessee
wow. I am glad that my perps live in another state. If I saw them on a consistent basis, I might be tempted to do them bodily harm

_________________________
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother. Not screaming in terror like her passengers

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#160283 - 06/06/07 09:22 PM Re: have seen the perp [Re: Patrick63]
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 100
Loc: USA
thanks guys

its just hard to accept the feelings sometimes. i've always wished this wasn't a part of me - i guess in many ways i still need to own what happened.

this morning i woke up on the side of the bed where i was raped. i was on my stomach. sort of brought a flash back back. i need to own the emotions. u guys are right.

thanks to all

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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#160287 - 06/06/07 10:29 PM Re: have seen the perp [Re: Nate]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Nate,

I ran from the pain and the perp. I now have moved back to my home town, St. Louis, and am trying to turn my anger into something positive.

11 years after I was raped, I ran into my perp at another scout function. He walked over to me and offered me his hand for a handshake. I was furious, and he acted like nothing ever happened. The next day, I started to run. Now 19 years later, I am working on helping others.(for more info read my post "Life is what you make it")

Turn your anger towards doing good.

Love you,
Carl

"Scoutvictim"

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#160289 - 06/06/07 10:52 PM Re: have seen the perp [Re: Scoutvictim]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
I've seen all four of mine. Talk about scary as hell and delayed shock and anger...and confusion. I hate the confusion!

Confusion = "they got too far inside my head!!!!"


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