“Why am I even here?” By: Kirk Gilbert © 2005

My life, my past, my mistakes makes my world like a prison, an empty place in time that I struggle to leave. I never know who will criticize ones self or what they will do to hurt my body and soul. I have often wondered if I am here for others to hurt, and set their self-esteem at ease for a moment in time. I often think if the ones in my life really love who I am, or know I’m of this world. Why, am I even here? The ones I hold close to my heart, which touches my soul, in time, leaves for one reason or another. All I want is for those who are in my life to love ones self for who and what I am. I may be alive on the outside, but my soul has grown cold like a hallowed tree. Why dose the pain linger inside? Will the pain ever stop? Will I ever heal from my nightmare? Will I ever trust? Will I ever not fear? Why, am I even here? I wish I was in what I call “my happy place” and would never have to leave to come back to this unforgiving world. I would never have the hateful comments or to be unwanted. No vipers to kick ones self from thy home, no one to abuse and molest my mind, body, and spirit, no one to break my soul. I would rather live my life and death alone, than feel the pain that snuffs out my flame every day of my so called “normal” life. Would someone please tell ones self why, am I even here?

"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."