i think when i was in canada,
i felt the nature of the gentile culture
allowed me the safety to experience my self in a new way -
in a very personal way.
when i came down to Boston, all that seemed to melt away,
the time - the same 'american' streses came -
especially in boston which is a hyper conservative city -
i was yelled at for being gay about 14 times in the time i have been here.
i am gaining strength to not only stay on my goals
despite my nature,
it has forced me to look at myself and really assert who i am - what i want - and not feel retiring of a social ingorance - that would have me - denying my self -
but fight and also extend friendliness to new people.
l know boundaries are important - and i also,
perhaps for a really bad reaction to how i was raised,
acknowleldge lots of bad stuff that i am working through
so that is a positive to that as well
i feel better -
i feel at last i am knowing Mark again, that i learned abotu in Toronto - the one who felt safe to be himself in a kind of very personal way - and now
also pragmatic american way now too - at home -
it seemed - so much of the time "I" was suspended - in my youth
now i feel a lot more aware and
Edited by markgreyblue (05/27/07 10:35 PM)
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders
"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous