...why I do so well here at MS as compared to the other groups I have tried to participate in...
I think it's because there are no women. When I was in a group with women there were always a ton of problems and I blamed them on the women but I think they were mainly my fault. Around women I have to put my guard up higher than normal and I have to be tense and aware and distrustful of anything said to me. Around men, I fear physical (or sexual) harm, and around women I fear emotional harm. On the internet it is much easier to open up to men because you can't be beaten or raped through a computer screen. You can, however, have your mind fucked with and your emotions thrown every which way which women seem to be experts at doing. I don't mean to say that I hate women because there's nothing wrong with them but I just can't trust them and I think I do better in a group that (for the most part) lacks them.
Josh, this sounds so much like me I could pretty much have written it. I came to MS deliberately looking for a group for male survivors only becuz I needed to deal with survivor issues & felt uncomfortable doing so among women, especially the many female dominated & sometimes anti-male groups out there. Even with groups for things like sex addiction or fibromyalgia I go to groups for men. Mostly I just come here.
Although the majority of my sexual abuse was by men, I still consider my mother my primary abuser for all the lasting damage she did to my mind. She was an expert at manipulation.
Tho I had an equal number of female & male perps (4), the majority of my SA was by females most of all my mother, who induced or encouraged virtually
all the SA by others female or male. She was by far my primary emotional abuser.
I can't trust that every woman out there isn't like her.
It's taken me a long time and a very loving patient wife to be able to trust any woman and not to hate all women.
From my experience, many of them are, especially in survivor groups where you get a lot of damaged people.
This is so what I've found. Some women were nice & supportive of me & the few other male survivors on their boards. Most were merely tolerant, and some were downright hostile.
This reminds me that my mother was abused as a child herself, and how easy it is for people who were abused to become abusive themselves, tho many don't & those who do often do it in different ways than the way they were abused, like maybe verbally instead of sexually or whatever.
My mother had an intense hatred of & sense of vengefulness toward all men that I felt even in the womb, the wrath of which was poured on me thruout my so-called childhood.
When I am expected to be open and vulnerable around women, I find myself becoming hostile, untrusting, argumentative, and even sometimes abusive. I wouldn't physically hurt a woman but I find myself trying to fuck with their minds before they fuck with mine. I guess it's a premature defensive mechanism...
I also know how easy it is for me to be very defensive with women (or men), which is why I've guarded my relationships so carefully.
Josh, I'm glad you're here at MS & doing so well!