Congratulations about being in a much healthier state of mind. I think your new perspective is very good. You and I both hope our marriages work out, even beyond our expectations as some do, but if not, God has something in store for us. WE WILL BE OK. Mostly we just have fear of the unknown.
It is hard sometimes to stay optimistic all the time. Sometimes when I get really low, I try to think about 5 blessings I get every day. There are always 5, and usually more. Even if it's our favorite weather, a good meal, a smile from someone, an email, shelter, health....these are all blessings and not givens.
This is by far the hardest thing I've even been through. Just think how much stronger we will be no matter what, to have lived through such fire. I have faith that if this is not the man meant for me, there is someone, somewhere. And there also is ME, and I will have all my self-esteem back and much more free time, because I won't spend my precious time reading books about csa or typing about it.