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#152699 - 04/25/07 05:00 AM need help here.
major213 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 11
So for some time now- I wake in the morning and have the vague sense that my anal cavity had been fondled while I was sleeping, or at least unconscious. I dismissed the concern as imaginative at first, because I could not see how I could forget something like that. Well after some research- I see that amnesia is quite common in a case like my own.. I've also matched up to numerous other characteristics and symptoms of abuse survivors. These revelations have been comforting- as I now know where the source of all my mental anguish has originated. On the other hand- I'm pretty sure this is still happening.. and it is perpetrated by (I think) at least two members of my family. The idea of being amnesiac is maddening- how could something like this happen to me, on a regular basis.. and I could have no idea?! Other than the occasional rectal bleeding, or unwarranted constriction of the sphincter while attempting to make a bowl movement. So I guess my question is.. how do I deal with this? I have no immediate support system- and as far as I can tell, most of my family seems to be aware of my abuse.. it's the only thing that can explain the way I am treated by them.. (like an outcast, an outsider not worthy of inclusion) So who do I call? I'm afraid to sleep now because I know that they'll do it again. I've also read something about sodomy taking place at a very early age.. allowing the perpetrator the ability to summon that regressed child-like state with a keyword? making the act less of a challenge, and creating an instant amnesiac barrier?
So I have the physical proof- and the psychiatric disturbances often associated with sexual abuse.. but I have no physical memory of any assault. I will say that I sometimes gather eery premonitions about the members of my family, which seems to be the only source of information that I have to go on. Something that disturbs me especially- is the idea I had that perhaps they had a life insurance policy on me?? and now I read that sodomy is sometimes regarded as a legitimate and natural cause of death among some insurance companies.. could they be trying to slowly kill me? Thus the reason nobody seems to care, or even attempt to address the issue of my mental state? This whole thing is a nightmare.. I truly feel as though I've died and gone to hell.

#152706 - 04/25/07 05:09 AM Re: need help here. [Re: major213]
Daniel Peter Offline

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 40
Loc: Canada
Major213; I generally don't come to this page because I'm not gay...(actually, I'm not sexually inclined period.) But I think you need to get serious help ASAP, so I've followed you're thread from the "friends and family" section, hoping that you'll read my response and get the assistance you need. Thus, I cut & pasted it here:

OK...this is very difficult for me to share. There is a way to know, physically.

Wear underwear of pajames to bed.

If, in the morning, you feel you've been victimized, you can, discreetly, take the underwear and/or pajamas (and the sheets if you can) with you to a police station and discuss your concerns, and DON'T wash yourself. It will be very a very difficult thing to do, but the underwear and/or pajamas and/or sheets will be looked at for forensic evidence to determine if their are any seminal or other fluids present that would indicate abuse. You yourself can also be examined by a medical doctor for other evidence. If any of it proves positive, the police will want to talk to everyone who sleeps in that room, and, quite honestly, if someone lies, it is very hard to maintain a lie before professional interviewers.

In the meantime, TELL SOMEONE: a doctor, a cop, a therapist...any professional person with the knowledge of how to help you deal with this situation NOW.

It's not a nice solution, but I think it is a workable solution, and I think that what you are describing is EXTREMELY serious.

You have just stated on a public forum that you think you are an ongoing victim of a serious crime. I don't know how this works, but maybe someone responsible for this website can directly help you contact the proper authorities. Would you like that help?

Daniel Peter

He who dies with the most toys...loses them all when he dies.

He who dies having fed and cared for his brother, wins in the eyes of God...and the hearts of his brothers.

He who dies but didn't ride...well...he didn't really live anyway!

#154941 - 05/08/07 02:14 AM Re: need help here. [Re: Daniel Peter]
Nate Offline

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 100
Loc: USA
i echo Daniel. You can do it man. TELL SOMEONE.

"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent


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