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#15241 - 01/24/04 06:49 PM Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Recently, with a new memory coming back, it seems that my mind's collapsing in on itslef. I'm having nightmares (more than usual, and probably pretty damn horrible, as I can't remember anything except the fear) and flashbacks (none so vivid as the first few, but leave me pretty emotionally unstable), and there are times that I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I get very frightenend that I'm heading for another breakdown, or maybe a spychotic episode. Some days I feel great, others (today) ifeel like I'm going insane. Don't know what's wrong. Everything's wrong.

People are telling me to just "get over it," that it's in the past, but it's today, yesterday, recent for me.

What can I do? My sister recommended from her therapist that I look into a specialist that deals with flashbacks and PTSD. I forget the name of the speciality, but I'm pretty sure my medical insurance won't cover it.

What can I do? I feel like I'm going to go nuts. Or maybe I am already. I can't tell.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#15242 - 01/24/04 07:16 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
Printer57 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 22
Loc: anytown, USA
Crisispoint,
I really feel for you...there are times when my head feels like it will just explode, its all I can do to remain in control.
Rember the movie "Catch-22"? If you know your going crazy, you can't be going crazy!
Not making light of anythig, just that for any of us, just going through the day can be hard.
To those who never experienced our pain they cannot understand. Heck I don't understand it and I'm a victim.
To be sure, what we are dealing with stinks, but it is ours. Now that we are becoming aware, we have a responsibility to ourselves if no one else to try with everything we have to take that one more step forward. Maybe not a big step, maybe just baby steps, but move onward b/c, and I am starting to see this albeit in small ways, we are SURVIVORS!
We are still here and damm it we are not going back, we will not go away, we will go on.
When I get to the end of my rope, I tie a knot and try and hang on.
Hang on and hang in there. You have already made it!
Peace be with us all
Printer57


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#15243 - 01/24/04 07:17 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
I'm losing it.
Don't know if I can take any more.
Felt this way before, but I don't know how manyn mkore times I can do this.
Hyprcrite, that's what I am. Hyprcrite, trying to herlp when I can't help myself.
Losing it. Don't know how much longer I can hang ion.
Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#15244 - 01/24/04 07:22 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Tnanks, printer.

I know I'll make it through, just don't know how yet.

Days like this suck, and It seems I'm having mroe of em lately.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#15245 - 01/24/04 07:23 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
Printer57 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 22
Loc: anytown, USA
To try even one more time is your victory, I know all to well that talk and words are sometimes cheap, but its all we got. Everytime you stand tall you win. You are not alone, never alone, solace maybe taken in the reality that there are others like you and many others with you.
One more time, hang in there just one more time, this time will pass, and you will survive.
Peace be all of us
Printer57


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#15246 - 01/24/04 11:32 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Scot - it's really hard sometimes to stick with it but you can. I had an episode just before Christmas that lasted for weeks - I thought I had gone to hell. I am a much changed person to who/what I was then. Part of what helped me was the welcome I got here when I first posted, you were one of the people that welcomed me and that meant a hell of a lot to me! Find that strength again that you are willing to wish on others. I find that writing things down when they bother me really helps. When I was just getting over the worst I set myself task lists - things I wanted to do during and day. This can be as simple as tidying a room, ironing a couple of shirts or just going for a walk. Anything I did I ticked off the list - some days there were no ticks as I just couldn't be bothered, other days I achieved several things. I'm not using lists at present because I have moved on from the lowest point. Please take it one step at a time and stick with us - you give me good advice.

Best wishes ... Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#15247 - 01/25/04 07:55 AM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Scot - Like the amputee who still feels the sharp pains in the limb that is no longer there (phantom pains), so the pain from past abuse experiences is real and many of us feel like we losing it and going crazy. You used those words - I FEEL LIKE I am...but these are periods that are a part of recovery and we need to hold on to the sides of our canoe as we navigate through the white water rapids of this section of our recovery journey.

Talk it out...do you need a new T? Think about that seriously. To change therapists now may be like getting in a new canoe and starting far from the whitewater (talk about issues that won't upset us now in order for the new T to catch up). We still need to navigate the whitewater sometime.

Hang in there Scot. You are experiencing issues many of us encounter on our way to wellness.
Talk to your T, to us, your support system and whoever you need...you're not alone in this!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#15248 - 01/25/04 11:25 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I wish I know how to deal with them, I would give you answers if I have them. I do not at all know. I am sorry. I hope you are doing better.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#15249 - 01/27/04 01:17 AM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
lee75 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 37
Loc: utah
im just starting the hellish journey that is recovery. i have had the same scary, hurtful feelings. i feel crazy at times. i try hard not let it go too far. i usually call a friend who understands. in my area all there are are womens crises lines. call one. they do great. sometimes just talking to someone at 4 in the morining when you feel crazy somehow makes you feel lighter the next day. they help
good luck man
i know you can do it. if u have survived this far, its because your strong. tons havent, hold on, get help, amd be strong

_________________________
Lord, i hope this day is good. im feeling empty and misunderstood. i should be thankful, lord, i know i should, but lord, i hope this day is good. DON WILLIAMS

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#15250 - 01/27/04 05:39 PM Re: Nightmares, flashbacks, how to control them? (TRIGGERS!)
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Scot and Lee.

I have said this before and I know that it worked for me after a while and it is working for some here who are trying it.

When I was a street prostitute in the early 60's (god that dates me)I was, at the beginning,in top physical shape and catered to the more vicious and kinky element of the so-called straigt population. I made terrific money but the degradation was awful. To keep the demons and terrors at bay I had a big stuffed bear that was my slayer. We all, in our childhood, had an imaginary friend. I just gave him a body. I talked to him every nite and slept with him. He went everywhere I did except when earning money.
I slept with him and he helped me keep the night terrors at bay. Give it a try.

And be kind to yourselves ok

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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