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#151456 - 04/18/07 03:50 PM Books for our Spouses
AJC Offline

Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 108
Loc: Illinois, USA
This may be obvious or may have been discussed before - but is there a good book out there for the spouse or partner of a CSA survivor?

My wife is completely in the dark as to how to help me or understand me. If there was something directed toward the person that is supporting the survivor - it would surely help her.


#151457 - 04/18/07 03:55 PM Re: Books for our Spouses [Re: AJC]
GWsurvives Offline

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...

There is a book called "Allies in Healing", but I'm unsure of the author. You can check on Amazon, or the MS Bookstore. I also recommend that she read Mike Lew's book, "Victims No Longer". I hope this helps.

You are blessed to have a wife that is trying to understand the problems you face. Be good to her.


"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

#151462 - 04/18/07 04:32 PM Re: Books for our Spouses [Re: GWsurvives]
selene Offline

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
.. andrew, as a spouse, i found the lew book (victims no longer) to be very helpful as well ... i read others, but that was the one that helped me really understand how csa can permeate a person's whole life ...

... coming here and talking with other wives and spouses may be something that could be helpful for your wife ... i'm glad to hear she's staying and trying to understand ... i know it's a hard road for both people, but i can tell you that it does get easier ...


"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

#151464 - 04/18/07 04:49 PM Re: Books for our Spouses [Re: selene]
stride Offline

Registered: 03/07/03
Posts: 202
Loc: B.C. Canada

"Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As a Child" is by Laura Davis (Harper Perennial; 1991). Lew's book was very helpful to me as well, in terms of offering insight. There are a lot of books available for partners of people who've been sexually abused, but I've yet to find any that are specifically for partners of MALE survivors. This leaves a big void IMO, for reasons that should be obvious to anyone familiar with, for example, the concerns routinely raised and discussed on this forum. I've actually been toying with the idea of writing such a book myself.

Whatever the case, this forum is a great resource and source of support for partners.


In the right formation,
the lifting power of many wings can
achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.

#151498 - 04/18/07 06:40 PM Re: Books for our Spouses [Re: stride]
Nobbynobs Offline

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto

You didn't mention whether your wife has asked you to get a book for her, so I'll give you this advice; if she hasn't asked you for your help in understanding what's going on, be very careful about suggesting things like books. She may be processing this stuff, and if you come on too strong she might get upset with you.

When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

#151517 - 04/18/07 08:30 PM Re: Books for our Spouses [Re: Nobbynobs]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Laura Davis' book is highly regarded and is easy to get. For a list of books on this topic you can check out our bookstore on: and click on "Family and Friends". Buying books through our store is a good way to support MS, as we get a cut from sales that come from our site.

I would also approach the area of offering books carefully. I would like to hear what partners think about this.

Would you appreciate it if a friend of yours who knows your partner is a survivor came to YOU with a book you should read? If I were in that situation I think my first thought would be, "Has my friend actually read this book or heard it recommended?"

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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