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#15044 - 05/29/06 09:01 PM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
12to17 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/23/06
Posts: 13
Loc: Australia
Hi All

Just an update

I have given my two day statrement to the Police at last.

This week they travel all around NSW Australia to interview my family (4 brothers and my Mum and Dad)

The Poice have offered counselling through the NSW Department of health, and I may take them up on it.. seems my flatmate heard me screaming the other night in my sleep:(

I do not remember my dreams, but know I keep waking up tired.

I think my initial guilt of never speaking up 30 odd years ago will make me see this through, as most family and friends have seen what "rememberance" can do, and I know the Police feel that after 4 decades of crime, this guy will not stop unless stopped.

I had the misfortune to see a guy kill himself on Friday night, well, actually, heard the noise, looked out the window, and then called the Police as a lovely looking young man lay on the laneway outsdie my bedrrom window, dead. \:\( He had jumped from his balcony or roof of his apartment?

Why he did that I do not know, but I know so many of us could have, had we not had some inner strength, some friends, or mates or family that know we are really OK.. and it was really never our fault.

His death (whoever he is/was), really affected me, and my family picked up my change of tone, my friends did and I reckon he is the first person I have seen die in front of me when maybe he would have had a good 60-70 years left if just someone had picked up his "tone'

That is all,
I imagine after my family is interviewed, the Police will do their investigation, make recommendations for charges and then I will find out if charges will be made or not, and then wait 2-3 years for the court case.

Is it worth it! I think YES!! Even it is just me, far too late, but wanting to save younger guys (boys) from going through what I did.

I may never know how what the "perp" did to me when I was a kid affected me, maybe I am just me anyway, but some how I reckon kids deserve to grow up in these complex days without that added burden and grief.

Why do I weep 36 years later..cause it was all a "secret" back then, and I could not let it out...

Take care Guys.. We are Male Survivors... let's just keep proving that and helping others,

All the best


Sydney, Australia.

#15045 - 05/29/06 11:52 PM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
Kirk Wayne Offline

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK

Welcome to MS

"Why do I weep 36 years later..cause it was all a "secret" back then, and I could not let it out..."

In my case it was because of a lost childhood.

Hang in there your doing great. We will never know why the guy decided to end his life, but a lot of us here (I think) have toyed with the idea, I know I have and attempted it on three seperate occasions and I am nobody special as they kept telling me in rehab, but today I am as I can speak about my past to anyone without feeling ashamed and that is a wonderful feeling. I know who I am now.

I dont see any problems about your case being on here as long as you dont mention specific names till after the trial.

"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"

#15046 - 05/30/06 03:30 AM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
5years ,for 4 kids lives makes you sick! a plea bargain got my perp off with 7 years ,he got out and reoffended again with in 6 months and was caught ,back in prison now ,one thing i have to say with the courts the way they are even if you had spoken up 30 years ago its no sure thing he wouldnt have got out and hurt more kids anyway,my case took over two yeas to be over .unless he got life i say go for it .but be warned its not something you will get much satisfaction from . i did what i did because i though it would stop him ,but it didnt at that time. so i helped get him arrested after he got out and he is gone for life now. at least he will know he never really beat you ,his plan to keep you quiet didnt work after all

its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

#15047 - 05/30/06 04:44 AM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
RICK57 Offline

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
If you can go through with the court case, it will be difficult. I know that I struggled even when I pretended that I wasn't! It's now about 10 weeks since I got the perv convicted, and I still feel to some extent like I'm getting over a bereavement. Each time I went to court, it felt like a bad bereavement.

I'm not in any way trying to put you off, I'm merely trying to warn you that it will not be plain sailing.

What I can say, is that I would go through the whole court scenario again just to ensure that the *******'s shame was permanent!

Abused September/October 1969 (12 years old, perv was 32). Told friends for the first time over 3 decades later. Told Police October 2004. Conviction achieved March 17th 2006.

There's a lot of waiting around, where you still have to try and live your life!

Best wishes.... Rik

*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

#15048 - 05/30/06 06:46 AM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
One more thing to add to the discussion....

I don't know whether Australia has sexual predator laws or civil commitment, but many states in the US have them. That means that at the end of a prison sentence, a sex offender can be evaluated and if found to be likely to re-offend, he can be civilly committed which means in many cases, he will be incarcerated in a secure facility/prison until deemed safe to be released.

My mentioning this is even though some of the victims did not go through with prosecution and their cases did not add to his sentence, testimony from additional victims can make the difference by presenting the offender as someone who has a long history and additional victims.

In any event, giving your statement/testimony, if it feels empowering for you, go for it.


Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#15049 - 10/29/06 10:25 PM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
12to17 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/23/06
Posts: 13
Loc: Australia
Family all very suppotive, but after interviews with all family members (by 2 detectives) 35+ years is very difficult to come to a common outcome as to when the perp first came into our family:(

Consequently, but not confirmed yet by the Police, i think they will decide there is not enough "firm" dates or stats from family to be able to hold up against a defence lawyer. (e.g. one brother "knows" the perp was around the family when I was 11, another brother can only come up with a date that makes me 16? So differemt stories from my 4 brothers and Mum an Dad do not make for a good prosecution... 35+ years after the events

Over all, the whole process, besides being very traumatic, as far as family goes , has been great!.. some reservations, i think some brothers do not talk the same in front of me as when i am not there, but my Mum is very suportive, and my eldest brother and his entire family have been wonderful.

I find it hard to work out what is "understanding" from my family, and what is "guilt" or "remorse" for not being aware back then and being able to stop it.

Anyway, the perp is in prison for at least another 5 years, maybe 8. and I think there are any more "recent" cases that will come back to haunt the perp before his release,

Take care guys



Sydney, Australia.

#15050 - 10/29/06 11:19 PM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Thanks for the update. Glad you are doing OK and commend you for having the courage to go through with the process. Good job!

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#15051 - 10/30/06 01:56 AM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
12to17 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/23/06
Posts: 13
Loc: Australia
Thanks John,

It has been a worthwhile journey, but as I guess we all may know, has had it's costs, but i think they have been worth it, both for myself and my family.

I feel my Dad, and my older brothers all feel a huge sense of guilt that they did not know, and therefore could not protect me, and at times, they do not know how to say that.

I have let each of them know, that it was not their fault, and neither do i hold any bad feelings towards them.

Memory wise, with the police interviews, a lot of emotions came to the surface, which i kept fairly under raps from all. I honestly can not say that I am fully over those memories and emotions yet, but have for the most past, a family who now an understand a little if i get choked up on the phone and can't continue the call.

Although I had my big birhday last week (50), in many ways, I think we can remain kids inside in how we deal or remember these "past" events. It was great catching up with all the family for the first time (in person) since they were all interviewed by the police, but i did notice a huge reluctance for any of them to bring the topic up, or to simply ask "How are you doing?" That's cool!

I am also thinking more and more of the need to just do something different, like have a holiday and feel the sun on my shoulders or somthing, or pack up and leave the city i live in for a slower
paced enironment, maybe even move "home" for 6 months and catch up with parents before they "move on" in a way I have avoided most of my adult life.

Given the opportunity again, would i do it all again, Yes, a RESOUNDING YES!!

The cost or price has been worth it, as stated in earlier posts, I still feel a huge guilt myself tht I did not do all this many many years ago, and that would have saved a lot of kids going through the same, but I somehow thought he'd not be so stupid to keep going.

Take care


Sydney, Australia.

#15052 - 10/30/06 07:52 AM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I am so glad this is working out for you, and I am especially happy to see the family rallying around you. Mine was that way as well when I disclosed to them, and it made all the difference in the world.

I hope you will keep working on the guilt problem. Responsibility for the abuse of later victims belongs 100% to the perp - he worked for the blame, let him have it all!

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#15053 - 10/30/06 11:17 AM Re: To go to court or not.. perp already in prison!

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
Iwould go it lill keep him in jail juat that much longer . people like that do not belong on the street



"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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