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#148201 - 04/01/07 08:50 PM Message to all those cute little boys
sadsister Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/24/06
Posts: 16
Loc: London UK
I am so sorry. I am so sorry I didn't see a thing growing up. I'm sorry that our parents didn't either, that your teachers didn't, that none of us had a clue. We should have known. You were so damn cute and so damn sad. Then as a teenager you became "difficult". And none of the shrinks saw either.
It eats me up inside to think that I was allowed to grow up happy and innocent alongside you. I can't begin to imagine the hell you went through. I am sorry that I was born 6 years after you and was never old enough to be close enough to you to understand that there was something wrong. Why was I allowed to live my life and not you? Why was I given a free shot at happiness and not you? What can I possibly do now, today, to help you, to tell you that I love you and that you're going to be OK? Sometimes I wish I had been abused too so we would have each other at least, and maybe it would have been one less time for you. But you are all alone in your grief. I will never understand. Please know that I would do anything for you. But you have to find the strength within, to come out of the cave. I will stand outside and hold out my hand. Please little buddy, please just come out and I promise I will protect you. I have so much rage against the one who did this to you. Why did you never turn against him? Why did you let him die without making him pay for what he did to you? I am sorry, I know you must ask yourself those very same questions. You were just a little guy. You had no way of finding the strength to do that.
To all the beautiful angels I keep seeing posted on this site. I am so sorry. We are all so devastated by what happened to you, and we are guilty of not paying attention, of not understanding. But we promise that going forward we will be there to help and to heal you. Please don't give up because we will never give up on you.

#148206 - 04/01/07 09:11 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: sadsister]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12155
Loc: Denver, CO
That was beautiful, SS - brought me to tears.

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#148214 - 04/01/07 10:04 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: FormerTexan]
sabata Offline

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1950

#148218 - 04/01/07 10:34 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: sabata]
mack Offline

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
I would like to thank you SS. If I'd had a sibling like you it might have made it easier for me to get where I am in recovery today. You are the true Angel. Caring, compassionate and patient. We should all be so lucky to have someone like you in our corner.


#148220 - 04/01/07 10:35 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: sabata]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi SadSister,

Like FT, this had me in tears. You have no idea how much it means to a survivor to hear that kind of support. It means the world.


#148221 - 04/01/07 10:38 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: EGL]
KeithR Offline

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Yes, crying here too. Thank you.

#148223 - 04/01/07 11:00 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: KeithR]
healing_inside Offline

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2007

Your thoughts made this older brother cry.

My younger sister says the same thing to me. You younger sisters are so loving and caring.

I copied your words and will keep them with all my other charished thoughts.

I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

#148232 - 04/02/07 12:03 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: healing_inside]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
ss its not your fault either.sometimes people just get caught in the explosion that abuse is ,collateral damage. you have shown real well that abuse dont only hurt the survivor . your helping now, dont blame yourself k? shadow

its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

#148306 - 04/02/07 06:22 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: shadowkid]
VN Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723

I have a sister, few years older of me. She is not at all responsible for anything that happen to me as child, or as adult. I love her more then I imagined at some time I could love someone. She is my only true 'family' now, and I am blessed to have her. Please do not feel guilt of things you are not guilty of. You are a kind and loving person. But you have not done wrong, just as mine own sister have not done wrong.


#148309 - 04/02/07 07:04 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: VN]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

That's a beautiful message and it means so much to me. Thanks so much for caring like this. But as others have said, it wasn't your fault, just as it wasn't ours. There were so many who didn't see - adults who could have and should have detected that something was terribly wrong. You were six years younger than your abused brother; there was never any chance that you could have seen what adults could not see.

But let me tell you something. Having you in his corner will mean the world to him now. My sister Cathie, who is 20 months younger than me, was the first person I told. We were chatting on MSN and I sent her this: "Cath, I was molested when I was a kid." She was there for me from the first second, and I know that without her I could never have come so far as I have. I bet you will be as important to your brother's recovery as she is to mine.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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