Hi Larry, it's really great to have you back!
you wrote quite a few replies to my early posts here, which really helped me so much. It seems quite a long time ago now.....so much has changed since then. My bf talks to me now! He's been making efforts to connect for about 10 months now, so i can see he's been trying. I've been a long way from that though. I needed to do a load of processing myself, in so many ways....i recovered a memory of my own(although very minor), which threw an added spanner in the works. It's been important though. Helped me understand my own sexual experiences and much of what's happened between us too. I'm presently finding it's actually rather helpful that i've had my own sexual/intimacy confusion myself.
So, now it's kind of like we're BOTH now realising that when there's an awkward moment, it's usually to do with the other person! We're like, "wow! this is you, not me!" We're both being kinder to eachother and both making efforts to keep expressing that we'd like to continue when those awkward moments have passed. You know, reassuring eachother that we fancy eachother i suppose......
Most days i still have a bunch of noise in my head from all of this, but it helps that my bf's now feeling more sure of himself, as he's conveying that to me, so it's a more secure space to be living in. It helps to know and understand him more. We were talking about couple councelling before, but have so far decided against it. We talk a LOT! Basically it's been like everything else(apart from our kids) has had to come second. Sometimes it's been talking for hours every night. There have been very difficult conversations and when i began this topic, i was just about ready to give up because i could see how most of our intimate life has been on his terms, and to be honest, i just plain didn't trust his intentions towards me any more......
My honesty has paid off and yet again i've felt really surprised by that!
Interestingly at his last session, his T said we were like babes in the wood, both hanging on to eachother, afraid of living! We were both really irritated by that, but he was dead right. We've been afraid of life/people/interraction in general and lived that way together too.......i think his T says things like that to him to push him and it always seems to work. It certainly worked this week!
I have a fair bit of picking up the pieces of myself to do now. I feel quite scattered and my energy is low, but i do know i can rebuild...seems like a daunting task though
just hoping this upturn continues....