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#146950 - 03/25/07 05:06 PM Does this apply to us all?
dean1320 Offline

Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 129
Loc: Atlanta, GA , US
i have often wondered, probably more on a subconcious level, if my sexuality was tied into the sexual assault by male perps. consciously, i knew that i acted out. although not as some, i did put myself in sexual situations that were unsafe for me or my partners. now as a gay man that respects himself more, i remain monogamous and use safe sex practices. i call it self love. it does not come overnight, but it's worth considering. as i appreciate myself more, i appreciate the simpler things that life has to offer.
the definitive answer to the question for me is that my sexuality and the csa that happened are two different entities that became morbidly fused together for so long. i have more insight into unfusing these incorrect ideas, but it is not easy. just wanted to share a little with you all. thanks.


#146959 - 03/25/07 06:28 PM Re: Does this apply to us all? [Re: dean1320]
istrong Offline

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 79
Loc: CT
I too feel that my sexuality is linked to my CSA, so that makes two of us...

"Go then, there are other worlds than these"
-John 'Jake' Chambers

I'd rather be above the grass than below it.

#146967 - 03/25/07 07:27 PM Re: Does this apply to us all? [Re: istrong]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12085
Loc: Denver, CO
I know for fact that my distorted view of what sexuality is, is tied to the abuse. The cause versus the outcome just adds up too easy.

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#146992 - 03/25/07 10:10 PM Re: Does this apply to us all? [Re: FormerTexan]
ken1964 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/09/07
Posts: 18
Loc: michigan
I know that my sexuality was influenced almost 100% by my abuse. It messed me up in a hundred different ways. I thought my abuser liked me and thought I was special. I knew how to do what he taught me, so I did. And it felt good in some ways and horrible in others. He abused me as a little kid and as a young teen. I thought girls would despise me for being abused and for what I did. Then being sexual with women scared the shit out of me. I didn't know how to be with them.

Now I'm just a man who respects himself more, too. I know what you mean about that, Dean. I'm untangling the connections and the lies the abuse made for me. Now I know more about what is connected to the abuse and what is the real me. I know more about how I would have been if I hadn't been abused. I'm enjoying getting to know the real me and the influence of the abuse is still there, maybe it will always be there, but it's so much less of an influence.

Best Wishes

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~ Rumi

#147040 - 03/26/07 03:32 AM Re: Does this apply to us all? [Re: ken1964]
TNuss Offline

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 203
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
Mine has been affected and is a continous issues I have trouble with, even thought I'm in my second marriage. There is just no easy answer, for the feeling and thoughts I have.

All my best!!!

In harmony,
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.


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