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#144805 - 03/10/07 09:37 PM Re: I have a question? [Re: Rabbit]
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Okay, that's it. I'm going to have my own week-end retreat, and all the guys who talk to each other here are going to come and we are all going to get to know each other in person and put faces and real bodies with the hearts and minds we have come to know and love. When I know that two of you are together and talking face to face and smiling and shaking hands and hugging.....well, I'm not jealous exactly, I'm really glad you got to do that, but I always wish I could have been there, too. So, the only solution is to organize my own retreat: The Bobby Week-end of Laughing and Talking. (and non-threatening hugging?) It could happen.

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#144807 - 03/10/07 09:51 PM Re: I have a question? [Re: Bobby]
Elad 12 Offline

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast

I'll be there!


#144826 - 03/11/07 12:16 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: Elad 12]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Sounds like a good time, Bobby. I could use some good times like that.


#144893 - 03/11/07 09:26 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: Elad 12]
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Dale, sounds like you have gone far too long without the experience of male company.
Giving and receiving hugs is nothing to do with being or feeling gay, it is a natural thing to do to those you bond with.
Watch the little kids who do it so naturally, they can show us
so much how to live,


#145426 - 03/15/07 01:20 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: Rabbit]
tartugas Offline

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC

That was a terrible thing that that man did to you, but I'm so glad that you were able to share the story with all of us. It helps us to see you more clearly, and I hope it helps to relieve you of some of that burdensome weight he placed on you.

With regards to the sexuality question, I would also like to stress the difference between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. The great tragedy for all of us was that at some point in our pasts we have all been vicitmized by people who did not understand the difference between the two. As human beings we share two great hungers in our soul; one is for emotional connection, the other is for physical connection. Though it is certainly possible to live without experiencing either kind of intimacy, I feel that life is far less rich and far less satisfying for the lack of either. Someday I hope we all may get to experience the joy of freely expressing and receiveing both kinds of intimacy without confusion. And perhaps, for some of us, we may get to experience the unique joy that comes when two people find enough trust and love in their connection with one another to combine the physical and the emtional. That is truly a goal we can all dream of for ourselves and for our brothers.

Although it can be easy for some people to confuse the lines between emotional and physical intimacy, it remains true that the two are not the same thing. We can experience deeply fulfilling emotional attachment with others without being sexual, and likewise we can certainly be sexual without being emotional.

"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

#145433 - 03/15/07 02:01 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: tartugas]
Elad 12 Offline

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast

#145438 - 03/15/07 02:35 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: Elad 12]
dean1320 Offline

Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 129
Loc: Atlanta, GA , US
Where are you located?, if i can come and not spend a thousand dollars, i'll be there too. ijust dont have that money right now. but i need fellowship, not a bunch of elitism, i feel. there are people here that can't afford to go to a weekend retreat. yes, i'm a little pissed off that the fact that upcoming in may, i could drive an hour but i'm not welcome because i'm not in level ii recovery. i have seen therapists for freaking 7 yrs. it makes me pissed because so many of my brothers will be there, however, once again "you're not included" . Dale pm , me i hope you are near georgia. but maybe we can work it all out. Peace


#145440 - 03/15/07 03:15 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: dean1320]
Derdlecar Offline

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1316
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I have found that I really enjoy both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy but if I had to do with out one or the other, I would much rather do with out the physical intimacy. Reason being simply this: I find emotional intimacy to be much more satisfying. The emotional intimacy reaches to a place deep inside me and touches the spot that I was really trying to get to when I "allowed" people to use me sexually.

And that is probably the most important thing I have learned in the nearly year and a half that I have been coming here to this discussion board.

Love ya

Edited by Derdlecar (03/15/07 03:18 AM)
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

#145461 - 03/15/07 04:31 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: Derdlecar]
mack Offline

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
Weekend retreat? Male company? How I long for the company of like souls. How I wish to be surrounded by those who can understand my pain.. and my humor.


#147131 - 03/27/07 12:27 AM Re: I have a question? [Re: Elad 12]
halryan Offline

Registered: 03/27/07
Posts: 7
Loc: Utah
Hey Dale,

I too was at the 4 springs weekend. I think I'm the guy who did the "walking toward" boundary exercise with you.
Anyway, I think that when someone makes genuine emotional contact with anyone it can be emotionally, spiritually, and even physically arousing. Doesn't necessarily mean you're gay...not that that's a bad thing...I'm gay.
Just enjoy the idea that you're learning to connect with people for now, and sort out the sexual identity stuff later.
Congrats on your progress!

...stay tuned for a profound quote in this space...all the best, Ryan

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