Im out of Ideas. I tried to go on a climbing trip to ease my minde, and It only made things so much worse. I guess the only benifit to the trip aisde form the climbing was that I was able to eat a little ( 8 hour drive and sleeping in 20deg wather will do that to a person) The whole drive down I was realy freeked out at the thought of driving on the winding back roads. I made it home in one piece but by minde is worse than before. Its like this huge void inside me has been made 10x worse. I keep having dreams about her and wake up expecting to see her there and I have to reminde myself she's gone. I realy cant take this. this is not what I need. to make it worse It seems like my famaly is caving in on its self. I cant seem to interact with my sister for some reason. She thinks this not real. I cant stand it. I want out. this is not what I signed up for. I truly think I have lernd a valubal leson, dont let anyone get that close again. Im sinking, and I dont know how to cope. Why did this hapen?
"same old repitition fealing up and down agen, sorrow is a highway that never seams to end"
- Jeff Austen, Younder Mountain String band