I need to hear some of your thoughts about this post, just your ideas. I posted this in another forum in response to this link:


Perhaps I should have said nothing, anyway what do other people think? By the way: this is my way of reaching out, not trying to be clever, I guess I just want to be validated or acknowleged, and I'm wondering whether I should delete the original...? (mainly because everyone else is ignoring me and doing the stupid imbecilic survey and posting their result and not even discussing any of the underlying issues).

I have been treated pretty badly cos I simply don't care about gender and all that fitting in with the herd stuff has always bothered me. The hardest thing for me is to integrate and still keep my individualism. For instance I can't work in offices cos I won't dress down to a suit. I can dress myself, so I don't see the point of wearing a uniform, and I can preempt the arguments for dressing everyone the same and suppressing individual expression and the military origins of menswear, yeah I get all that, and that's precisely why I won't dress down. But that makes clothes shopping really hard, when you hold yourself to a much higher standard than the general populace. It's hard to heal and get support when you don't want to be normal, but you still want friends.

I'd say I'm 50% me and 50% abused and raped and negated. If anyone has come up with an explanation of male or female thinking that isn't instantly refutable I'd like to see it. It's mostly pandering tabloidy charlatans that peddle division in the sexes and that, again, makes me want to distance myself from the public. There's something to be said for the obvious evolutionary origins of conservative values, but no one seems all that interested in talking about that. A little while ago I was pondering what early humans did when all their women were menstruating and wild animals were prowling about picking up the scent of blood. Perhaps this is the motivation to build fences and villages, to keep predators out, and the origin of a male-lead hunt, the origin of the division of labour and specialisation, women being domestic lords, men being responsible for the outside environment - which evolved into civic duty, but it's just a random thought, I haven't set out to prove or disprove it.

My parents used to beat me and call me a faggot just because I wanted to style my hair and choose my own clothes. I started shaving my face in secret, and did so for the whole time I lived at home out of the terror of being exposed for being vain and being beaten some more. I always used to think it was ironic that if I were a girl I would have so much more freedom. Freedom to do just about anything, like all the girls at school and in my church. But because I was a man and expected to carry the world on my shoulders, anything that wasn't directly contributing to the good of society through complete servitude was selfish and vain. This is perhaps why I find it so hard now to do anything I enjoy, even reading a book. And why I do find it hard to deal with women, especially the more rigidly conditioned ones, or the ones who go about expressing themselves. I know now of course nothing is that simple, I can see how damaging even the most coddling of upbringings can be, if only for the ignorance it engenders. Frankly I'm envious. Sorry for spilling my can of worms all over your thread.

"It's your world Dave, I'm just livin' in it"

- Harvey Pekar to David Letterman
(American Splendour)