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#142713 - 02/22/07 08:34 AM Hate
Malidin41 Offline

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
“Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?” (Quote from the movie soundtrack Rent.)

As we embark on this journey to find healing and understanding of this pain and destruction we have been forced to feel. I reflect on the individuals who were selfish in wanting to satisfy there own needs and wants without thought or care to the effects it would cause. I find myself filled with many questions and feelings that for so long have been muted. One of these feelings is hate…

As I continue to read and seek out understanding I find that many people have felt and continue to feel many of the things that I relate to on deep levels within my soul. At this point within my recovery I feel it prudent to begin to deal with and understand these feelings I have of hate.

I believe that hate is a healthy response to have if used correctly. Hate can help us get far within our recovery process. It allows us and in many ways gives us the ability to deal with what we are feeling and going through. However if we are not careful this hate can consume us and prevent further healing by loosing perspective of the hate we feel.

For the longest time I HATED my brother. I did not want anything to do with him, for all I cared he could have died and if I never seen him again it would be too soon. I wished he would rot in hell for all eternity and that still would not give me justice for what he did. Just the thought of him made me sick. Hate, oh how I hated him.

Talking about this hate makes me shake inside; it reminds me how sick and corrupted I became because of my hate. This hate made me suffer for so long and only continued to poison me more. I can now see how I seriously lost perspective of the hate and allowed IT to abuse me more.

I believe in order to continue to be healthy we all must understand hate. We must ask ourselves questions to keep this hate in check. Questions like, what exactly do I hate? Hate must be understood. It can not be vague or meaningless; it is too powerful for that.

I remember when I first asked myself this question, my answer was everything. He’s a selfish asshole that deserves to be slowly lowered into a rotor tiller while being castrated at the same time. But as I really started to investigate this question I found that I did not know him well enough to hate in whole like that. Not to mention did I really hate everything? No. Did I hate that he wore a red shirt on Tuesday and blue one on Wednesday? Did I hate that he drank a glass of water or a Dr. Pepper? Did I hate that he watched the news at 10:00 or that he got his diaper changed when he was a baby? Of course not, to really keep my hate in perspective I had to realize that all I hated was the fact that he abused me. I do not hate him as a person, and really I don’t hate HIM at all. I hate abuse!!!

I truly believe that if we all were to ask ourselves this question honestly, we would all come up with the same realization which is, that we HATE that we were abused as children. I believe this HATE is healthy. I stand by this hate and hope to use that hate to stop other children from ever being hurt in that way.

I hope that others who are hell bent on hating individual people for mistakes that they made will realize that hating the person will not help them in anyway and will only bring on more hate. I hope that they will ask themselves questions like, what do I really hate? Should blacks forever hate white people? Should the Jews revenge by creating their own concentration camps? Should the Indians kill all white men and reclaim their land? Should a child have their hands chopped off for stealing bubble gum in the local 7-11? Etc. Hate is your feeling and you should do with it as you will. This is your recovery not mine and not anyone else’s. I know that some think that their hate does no damage but I promise it does. The only thing that comes from hate is more hate!!!


Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

#142718 - 02/22/07 11:40 AM Re: Hate [Re: Malidin41]
sabata Offline

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1950
Great Post..Malidin...If i may...A Little From My Dailly Readings......Thats What Happens When Yore Angery At People.....You Make them Part of Your Life............Our Problems With AngerAnd Our problemsIn Relationships Go hand in Hand.....Some Of Us Have Held Back Our Anger.Which Led To ResentmentOf our Loved ones...Some of Us Have Indulged Our Anger And And Became Abusive......Some of us Have been so FrightenedOf angerThat We close OffThe Dialogue In our Relationships When Anger Feelings Come Out.....Some Of Us Have WastedOur Engery By Focusing Anger On People Who Wernt Really Important To Us Do We Truley Want themto Become so Importan To Us.....Yet....Perhaps The Important RelationshipsGot frozen Becuse We Wernt Open And Respectful Withb our Anger....It isnt PossibleTo be Close To Some one..With Out Being Angery At Times...We let Our Loved ones..Be Part of our Lives..By Feeling Our Anger...When It Is There...And Expressing It..Openly.Directly.And Respectfully to them..or by hearing them when they are angery........Then With Dialogue We Can let It Go.........................I Will be Aware of Those people I Am Making Important In my Life..And Will Grow In Dealing With my Anger...............Dont Know If this Belongs Here Or Not..........Steve

#142723 - 02/22/07 02:24 PM Re: Hate [Re: sabata]
Jarrad Offline

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i love rent. life's short. too short for hate.

#142743 - 02/22/07 04:44 PM Re: Hate [Re: Jarrad]
Hauser Offline

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2963
Loc: United States
I don't hate by abuser, I can't hate him. Weird. Seems like I should but it's just not in me.

#142746 - 02/22/07 05:05 PM Re: Hate [Re: Hauser]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i'll hate him for you

its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

#142769 - 02/22/07 07:58 PM Re: Hate [Re: shadowkid]
Nobbynobs Offline

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Hate the crime, not the criminal.

When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

#142770 - 02/22/07 08:01 PM Re: Hate [Re: Nobbynobs]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12156
Loc: Denver, CO
Somedays, easier said than done, nobs.

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#142775 - 02/22/07 08:15 PM Re: Hate [Re: FormerTexan]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
I'm sorry...but FUCK the criminal.

Today I found out from my lawyer that the staute of limtitations does apply to my case. I could never get a crim prosecution.

REALIZE THIS: Most of us don't report/disclose until these statute of limitations RUN OUT!!! We are not ready or willing to deal with it until WE ARE READY!!!! There's something fundamentally WRONG with this law!!!!!

I realize this does not make me a very good witness for the Lord right now. But WHERE's the JUSTICE IN THIS COUNRTRY??!!!!!!!!!!

#142779 - 02/22/07 09:02 PM Re: Hate [Re: Still]
Hauser Offline

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2963
Loc: United States

#142787 - 02/22/07 10:12 PM Re: Hate [Re: Nobbynobs]
ak Offline

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Originally Posted By: Nobbynobs
Hate the crime, not the criminal.

May I ask, why? What theory, what plan, what action work for one person, it do not always work for another. And no one here is perfect and have perfect ideas or plans of healing. So no one have right to say what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' with anger, with hate, with anything to do of this. I do not have so much anger, and even less hate. But I feel both sometime, and that is ok. I am not an evil person, and I am not a stupid, or 'less then' person because I have those feelings sometime. If someone want to hate their abuser, maybe it is not what I would do, but I can not at all say that is wrong or bad.


#190392 - 11/08/07 03:38 AM Re: Hate [Re: ak]
dgoods Offline

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I find it helpful to consider the older sense of the word itself, which when examined does not contain malice, only absolute refusal; it was originally used as a less passive form of "abhor", closer to "shun" or "to disallow w/ extreme prejudice", than what its commonly understood meaning is today. Re-read the KJV Bible, or some Elizabethan works to get a better sense of this. Not trying to be "mr. language snob", but sometimes it helps to explore where our words come from, it helps me avoid confusing myself or others.

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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