Newest Members
bushydw, Teddyboy1969, Ransuko, Lovme4me, MRSAS
13556 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
BrianinBoston (55), broken13 (48), crt01 (41), Farmer Boy (41), hombre1963 (54), Magellan (46)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 55 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,556 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,501 Topics
492,330 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#142364 - 02/19/07 08:25 PM Did I want it? (triggers)
pietie Offline

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
You use to say this is what i want to do.
That i did it for you.
We had our little secret didnt we.
We did things no one else would see.
You were suppose to be my friend at that time
instead you commited this crime
of killing the boy inside
with no place to hide.

You killed him do you hear!!!!
Now every day he fear
to live a life that he has left
What you did was theft.
I hate you for doing this to me.
I remember every time the scars i see.
I tried to get away from you with every drop of blood that fell
and still there was no one I could tell
of all the hurt inside of me
too afraid that anybody would see.
With all the anger and hurt and fear
of letting any person near.
To open the wounds that you have made on me.
Oh how i wish i could be free

I went to the woods to find the boy
the one you used for your joy
I cant seem to find him, know where he is.
You sealed his fate when putting it THERE, every kiss.
The pain feels as if it will never end
Maybe to you i should send
a little of the hell I endure every day
Then perhaps you would start to pay.

Your face is engraved on my mind
o at one stage i thought you were very kind.
I still see the image dingling before my face
In and out according to your pace.
I had to swallow such a lot every time
if i only had a dime
for every time you forced it into me
I would be so rich, you would see.

And now i have to face myself every day
and hurt and broken i shall stay.
you broke me do you realize
if you dont would you sympathize?

But free i will never be
for your face in me i see.
Every time i have to bear looking in the mirror on the wall
only thing i see and hear is your call.
I did not want what you so gladly bestowed on me!!!!
If only i had the guts to set myself free.
Away from this pain and tremendous hurt.
Away from feeling like the dirt.
Away from the selfhatred i feel
to just be normal and be able to heal.

Oh i wish i had the words to express my mind.
Maybe someday the boy i will find.
That was forced to hide away
every time you came and wanted to stay.

I did not want it do you hear my cry
So something new you wanted to try.
It hurt so much what you did to me.
There were such a lot of blood did you see?
I hate you I hate you I hate you

I want to cry and run and scream
Oh how i wish this was all a dream
That you came into me when you like
maybe its like riding a bike
They say you will never forget how to ride
and in my memories and fears and nightmares you abide.
Why wont you leave me alone so i can live my life now
In front of you i will never again bow!!!

Not Perfect, just forgiven

#142409 - 02/20/07 04:28 AM Re: Did I want it? (triggers) [Re: pietie]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
My Friend,

I hope it helped to write that out. It's a necessary thing I think to get it out like that. You've captured the essence of hurt we've felt.

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#142508 - 02/20/07 11:34 PM Re: Did I want it? (triggers) [Re: WalkingSouth]
dean1320 Offline

Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 129
Loc: Atlanta, GA , US
Right on brother



Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.