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#14123 - 08/25/06 04:49 PM maybe i donīt deserve being here..
marry Offline


Registered: 08/22/06
Posts: 4
Hello!First of all,I donīt speak english very well,so excuse if I write some things wrong . Iīm 22 and i live in spain... I read some of the stories I and I just want to say that iīm relly weak,because Iīm dealing with someting that can be compared with some of the other stories..I donīt remeber very well when it happen,but I probably was during 2/3years, when I was 10-11 years. It happens some times,in the summer. I remember that my grandpa touch me unnapropriatly , when what makes me fell worst I that somehow I like it..besides that, nothing more happen (thank God..),but itīs very dificult to accept.. at the time,i think i was feeling diferent things..i donīt know...Sometimes I ran out, others I just get closer to him.. Then I know that I forget everything ,and I lived a perfect life..( i dont know why i forget...itīs so strange..)..4 years ago, i start remembering and know I want to go to a therapist to solve this problem in my mind..
Iīm sorry being so weak and share my story. Anyway, iīm here to help ;\) (sorry again for my bad english!)


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#14124 - 08/25/06 05:44 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hello, Marry,

You DO deserve to be here, as much as anyone else. This is a great, safe place for you to talk about and work on all these issues that you have described, as well as working on them with a therapist. What you described as conflicting emotions is common amoung abused children, because it seemed wrong to us at the time but we were too young to understand really what was happening. It may have felt good, so that is another factor in the confusion for us.

Take your time here, talk as little or as much as you need about whatever you need to. Everyone here will help you as much as you need. And your English is muy bueno! - much better than my Spanish!

_________________________
Eddie

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#14125 - 08/25/06 05:59 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Hi Marry,

Welcome and yes you have found somewhere safe for you to come and deal with these issues. Although some of us have similar experiances, everybodies story is different. Hope you find help and friends here.

Dale


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#14126 - 08/25/06 06:12 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
marry Offline


Registered: 08/22/06
Posts: 4
Thank you. Now Iīm sure that I will have much more reasons to smile in the future.. ;\) I hope everybody fells the same!


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#14127 - 08/25/06 08:07 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Marry,

Welcome to Male Survivor! I'm glad you found us and I hope the site can help you.

Yes, you do belong here and don't worry about your English. It's easy to understand what you mean.

You raise a lot of issues and I will only touch on one here for the time being. You say you feel so bad because you liked what your grandfather was doing. But in fact you have done nothing to feel ashamed or bad about. We are all sexual beings, and when a boy's body is being touched in a sexual way it will very often respond by feeling pleasure, even if the boy feels confused and frightened about what is happening.

Also remember that you were a child and children usually trust their grandparents. You had every right to think you would be safe with him and to believe that whatever he did with you would be okay. He betrayed you, and it is NOT your fault that you didn't understand what was happening.

I hope you will keep talking here. It does help. Just get used to the site at your own pace, and participate as you become more comfortable here. And as I said, don't worry about the language difference.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#14128 - 08/25/06 08:31 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
marry Offline


Registered: 08/22/06
Posts: 4
Hey,roadrunner.I suppose youīre right,but sometimes itīs hard to believe..I think Iīm luck in some kind of way,but...Ok...I will live my life the best way I know... Iīm going to talk more often..It might help me a lot..

Love*


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#14129 - 08/25/06 09:14 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
Itsback Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/06
Posts: 112
Loc: New Mexico
Marry,

You are here for reasons that are unfortunate and correctly NO ONE DESERVES to be here but we all are here and what we DO DESERVE is the right to heal, feel and live our lifes to the fullest we possibly can.

Fight the good fight

Pete

_________________________
I truely believe the pain made me stronger now I want to let the healing make me softer- Never Stop-Never-Quit-Always Care

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#14130 - 08/26/06 01:31 AM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Welcome Marry,

As you can tell, there are a number of us who experience this site as a very helpful place to connect with, learn from , express ourselves, and receive validation for what we feel and experience. Please stay in touch and allow yourself to benefit from what is here for you.

Take care,

Barney


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#14131 - 08/31/06 08:47 AM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1316
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Marry,

Welcome! you belong here just as much as the rest of us. And keep posting as much as you like.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#14132 - 09/15/06 11:16 PM Re: maybe i donīt deserve being here..
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Marry,

In case you come to the site just to read sometimes, I want you to know we would be very glad to welcome you back and talk with you more. You do belong here, and you should not feel inadequate or weak about anything. One thing all survivors do when they come here is discover strength they had all along, but just didn't recognize.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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