I started into on-line stuff a while back. I guess it was Thanksgiving (late November in U.S.) four years ago. It is not unusual for some up-and-downs. I sort of think of them as a roller coaster. Like everyone said, get help if you need it. But on the good side, I have observed that many good breakthroughs start with a breakdown.
And it is odd where they can hit. After a while they are sort like rain; you can?t do much but get wet if you are in it, it happens and is necessary. The way I used to describe them in my old group was as tears for watering the flowers in our hearts and souls. (somehow that seems better on a mostly girls site.
For this last month, we have been working on a dam site. You know, a real heavy industrial man safe work-site. And one would think that should be a safely "devoid of emotion" place.
But yesterday I was blast cleaning the inside of a gate. You get in a pressure helmet, heavy clothes, drag the equipment in, brace yourself and settle in for dust, sparks, metal, and slag flying. Hard and heavy, but pretty much "guy safe" work.
One of the lead mechanics had mentioned last week that is quite a place to be alone with your own thoughts. So I actually I was thinking about this group stuff, and what you had mentioned about groups and therapy, and me actually going to visit my perp and forgive him, and my little 3 month old girl. And I just started sobbing and sobbing.
It kept up for while I was in there. So I just kept blasting and sobbing. At least in a blasting project there is a fair amount of dust, so it does not look unusual for your eyes to be red.
But my point was, that yeah, the happies and crying happen to everyone.
And my conclusion of mine was, well gee, if I can't push my own butt up the last little (hardly little
) peak of "Getting-Well-Mountain" and properly forgive my perp for my own sake, at least I will have to because my little girl needs a whole, complete, and mentally healthy daddy.
And you (all) deserve to be whole, complete and mentally healthy, too.
Tears water the flowers in our hearts and souls. So water your flowers.